Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts

Saturday, July 6, 2013

The Creativeness of Death

I rarely dream, but last night I dreamt that I was worried that a room in a house might be on fire. The room belonged to someone I worried about a lot, who had been perplexing me. I was worried he would burn the whole house down. Instead, someone showed me what was really going on inside. There was a large cylinder filled with liquid. Sparks were coming out of it, like electricity, which had only looked like fire. Inside, there was an animated skeleton at a workbench building other skeletons out of bones.

Usually in dreams, it helps to look at a "first feeling" and a "first association" in order to find out how the dream may speak to us. My first feeling was awe and happy surprise in the cleverness and originality. Also, relief that the "fire" was contained and no danger. My first association was of the "culture of death." Seems such a paradox- creative activity as the dead create more dead. Yet, this is what goes on in the majority of society today. That's what's happening in the "mass mind" of American culture.

It was not a "black and white" image, but animated with many facets of human experience. Unlike what Jesus said, "Let the dead bury the dead," the dead are creating the dead- They are using their creative power, the power of life, to create more death. The sad thing is how very few people see what's really going on.

For those of us on the outside, our first reaction is often alarm. We genuinely fear for the well-being of people because of the self-destructiveness that often results from "life" in the culture of death. We don't want to lose our friends and family members. The truth is that if we can be mindful of the emotion of fear and detach from it, it is possible to see how people are creating beauty from the "bare bones" of life.  Just because someone is a part of the "culture of death" does not mean they don't also have those amazing sparks of life in them. It's on a continuum, not a case of "us and them."

When I wrote Borderline and Beyond, I had the same emotions as the ones I had in the dream. Basically, I backed up from the train wreck of my life and saw the beauty in the worst of circumstances. My ability to write and produce art slowly helped me find my way out of the darkness that threatened to destroy me. We need to hold on to and nurture those strengths. If we are to help those who are struggling and lost, we should show them the light and not only disparage the darkness we see.

I can't forget how intimately I know the culture of death. For those of you who don't know what that means- The culture of death is about despair, self-absorption, apathy and poverty. Some say it is about abortion, the death penalty, euthanasia, suicide and so on. I say that that despair and self-absorption often lead to these things, but the "culture of death" is a much wider concept. It permeates our media. And yet, in those creative sparks, so much hope abounds!

I loved the movie, "The Nightmare Before Christmas." I have found joy in the Mexican celebration of the "Day of the Dead." As in Ezekiel,  "Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord!  This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life." (Ezekiel 37:4-5)

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Borderline and Beyond, Original- New Hope, Different Era

I'm blogging today to say a few words about Borderline and Beyond. I'm happy to have the original book and workbook editions back in print.

Some of you might remember the latest editions in 2001 and 2007, but the revised editions did not improve upon the original in any significant way.

Feedback has been that the 1996 edition surpassed the 2001 or 2007 revisions and so I'm bringing the books back in their original form.

Lots of progress in the field of Borderline Personality Disorder has been made in the past seventeen years since I wrote Borderline and Beyond. Back when I wrote it, the diagnosis was baffling in its very existence. Why take a chronically suicidal, emotionally fragile person and tell them they have an incurable personality disorder? What sense did that possibly make? It was like damning people to their own personal hell.

I fought back. If professionals weren't going to help me, I was going to do all I could to help myself. I worked really hard at it. The result of that work was Borderline and Beyond.

Today, people diagnosed with BPD are told that the chance of their making significant progress of recovery in the first year is good and that 80% of people with BPD eventually experience remission of symptoms.  Researchers and clinicians finally got on the ball and started to try to do something about the problem besides throwing their hands up in the air and blaming it all on the difficult patient.

There is much more hope for recovery from borderline personality disorder today. I'm glad I was one of many writers and bloggers who helped usher in an era of change. I was a "poster child" for people who actually got better and recovered from BPD.

Many clinicians do not believe full recovery from BPD is possible, yet I have changed and a great number of others have experienced recovery. Through using the principles and tools in my book, I have not been diagnosed with BPD in over fifteen years.

Therefore, I'm bringing my book back into print. It worked before- It can help again. I hope many who are struggling will benefit from it.

Here's where you can buy my books-

 http://www.carmelheart.com/#!portfolio/cjg9

and

On Amazon

Thanks,
Laura




Thursday, May 16, 2013

Now Limited Availability of Borderline and Beyond

What a busy week! My focus right now has been finding ways to cut back on stress and define priorities. I can't think of many things more difficult, but I'm pushing through.

Exciting previews into the publishing world!

Barnes & Noble online has my books in stock. You can also get your local B&N to special order it. They have it in their catalog.

My books are listed on Amazon for pre-orders. I have no idea why there are four independent booksellers already carrying and selling them but they are, so you can order from them via Amazon. I have no idea what my distributor is up to and why Amazon does not have their shipment yet, but you can still get the books there.

The workbook to accompany the text is here. This one used to have the picture up but it's temporarily down. Why, oh why? Two independent booksellers have it and are selling it on Amazon but Amazon itself apparently doesn't have a shipment yet.

My new website is almost ready to launch, and of course I'll be selling it there.

Come one, Come all, Buy the gift of mental health!
(or at least a creative approximation)

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Borderline and Beyond: The Original is Coming Back Soon!

I'm feeling really excited about the whole new set of Borderline and Beyond products soon to launch. For those who remember, when I was in my mid-twenties, I wrote a book, spiral bound it and sold it on a personal website and on Amazon. The book became a niche best seller and so it was re-published as a book and workbook set. My book has been revised twice, once to include "spiritual" principles and once to include applications to autism.

The strangest thing has happened since the last revision- I've continually received e-mails to bring the original book back. I've seen my original books being sold on E-bay for outrageous prices. The first was the best and so I'm bringing it back now-- but with much prettier covers!

Look, I even have a "fake spiral binding" graphic! Doesn't it look real?

Here's a picture of the accompanying workbook. I'm really happy to have my original book back. Also, most of you know I haven't had a website since 2007, when I let laurapaxton.com go. Carmelheart.com will be launched soon and these books will be for sale along with a Borderline and Beyond E-book and a way-cool App. 

I'll also be showcasing books I've published for other authors, including Terry Ianora, OCDS and I'm working with three other authors to bring their dreams to press!

You'll also see my books on Amazon and Barnes & Noble soon. I'll let you know when they are up.

This is an exciting time. I'm happy to share it with you.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

The Infinite Hole in Our Hearts

When I wrote, “Borderline and Beyond” seventeen years ago, I just wanted to survive, to want to live and to stay out of a psych hospital. Three years later, my goals expanded to include “learning to love myself” and “making lots of money.” I found the perfect fit for those goals in a type of new age philosophy. The techniques and practices I used worked. I had greatly improved self-esteem, career success, money and status. I was happier than I had been in my life.

However, I'm not still following that philosophy. Some people (who do not think I've completely lost my mind these days) ask me why. The reason is that none of these areas of “success” in my life were places where my heart was designed to find rest. St. Thomas Aquinas gives us a list of four goals that will create an empty life if pursued for their own sake: wealth, status, power and comfort. I can attest that this is true.

Our hearts are designed by God to find rest in Him. The philosophy I was following included other goals such as “becoming God,” and learning to love yourself as God. One teacher I had asked me to spend hours in front of the mirror trying to “love myself perfectly,” as this was the key to my enlightenment.

During that time, (around 2001-06) I revised Borderline and Beyond to include similar practices that I recommended for people to try, such as the “mirror work.” And yes, it does work, up to a point. It's also a band-aid to cover a deep hole in your heart. Take the band-aid off and the hole will be just as deep and wide. I've heard it said that in each person there is an infinitely deep hole, a God sized hole, and that's why only God can fill it.

The “hole” in our heart cannot be filled with ourselves. We don't live in isolation and we are created in the image of God, who is infinitely bigger than we are. The good news is that God can and does fill that hole when we ask Him to. When I realize how I need God for every breath I take and every move I make, and when I am aware of my absolute dependence on God, God has a chance to fill that hole with his strength, love and wisdom. This is the only way to peace and purpose in life.

Am I going to revise Borderline and Beyond again to include a religious or Christian theme? No, actually not. I'll be restoring my book to its original condition, just as I wrote it while in my mid-twenties. My book was written to reach people in a similar place and it will and has reached down and lifted up those who are struggling with day to day emotional survival. I'm simply taking out the added stuff.

The new book will be called, Borderline and Beyond: The Original. The accompanying workbook never came with the original book. It was added later. That book will be changed but again, no religious ideas added. The only difference will be that I'm taking out anything that in my opinion is unnecessary and possibly confusing the reader more than helping her.

Borderline and Beyond has always been a book about recovery, strength and hope. My hope is that the book will be a better resource in the future, once I complete the restoration of the book.