Advent: Preparation for His Power

Christmas teaches us about the strength and might in gentleness, mercy and innocence.

In preparation, Advent can teach us to cleanse ourselves of attraction to false power, so that we might become receptive to the true power of Christ in our lives.

Jesus Christ has brought the world an unexpected (and before unheard of) type of power. Before his arrival, many of the Jewish people were expecting a ruler of military strength, such as David. Much of our world believes power lies in physical strength, the ability to influence, or even to bully and hurt others, physically and emotionally. 

The attraction to power goes far beyond the obvious example above. Humans forget what's most important. We can become consumed with trying to prove our worth to others and to the world, so we may seem "powerful" in their eyes through our "specialness" or "greatness." 

When we are over-focused on creating the "perfect" Christmas celebration for our families, or on producing the perfect work of art or project at work, we are often led away from our primary goal of living here on earth, which is to love and serve God. We are not called to impress Him or anyone else.

Love and service don't have to be fancy or special, just real, honest, sincere and from our heart.

Just through the "mere" act of being born, Jesus demonstrated for us how to live all eight beatitudes. When the Creator of the universe came to us as a tiny baby, He taught us all we need to know about how to love.

When we look at a painting or icon of the Blessed Virgin Mary holding Jesus, the baby, who is really the focus? Mary is larger and Jesus is smaller, but does that mean Mary is more important? 

No, for Jesus taught us that we are to come to Him as a little child. Jesus never asks us to do anything He did not do first. Jesus comes to us in a tiny, vulnerable human form, held lovingly by his mother, who serves Him with her care. 

It is in the image of Madonna and Child that we see true majesty and might of Christ. Within that tiny baby is contained all the strength and power in the universe. He doesn't want to force us to love Him, but beckons us through the sheer power of His love to open our hearts and souls to Him. 

Jesus came to us in a dirty stable, a place we where we would probably be ashamed for anyone to visit us. Jesus still wants to meet us there, in those dirty, shameful, hidden places of our souls. And he meets us there with the purest, humblest and most precious love there is. 

During advent, as we prepare for Christmas, let us prepare our hearts and souls to receive the strength of the peace of Christ. Let that purification time center around letting go of false ideas of what makes us and others strong. Let us give ourselves to Him with greater humility, purity and simplicity, as He first gave himself to us. 

"O Blessed Jesus,

Give me stillness of soul in you.

Let your mighty calmness reign in me.

Rule me, O King of Gentleness,

King of Peace."

-St. John of the Cross

Why I Cope with Life Better Today

I do not know how I would cope with my life if I were not Catholic. I can easily tell you that I would not cope well. Years of living beforehand would bear that out. 

Here are some differences in how I get through tough times today vs. during my "heretical" years. 

(1) My emotions do not control my decisions as much.

Free will has to do with making decisions without being driven by emotions. I am making more solid, logical and clear choices now than I ever have before. During my "heretical years," I believed that free will had to do with extricating myself from the oppression of moral obligations in order to be free to follow my feelings. How did that work out for me? Hmm.. I'm writing this... so...

(2) I take care to have selfless motives. 

When I pursue being of the greatest service to God above the motives for comfort, public opinion or material things, each decision I make has meaning. When I work to make my life a gift to God rather than a gift to myself, I do not have time to immerse myself in self-pity or resentment.

Good feelings and material things will all pass away. Peace in my heart, mind and soul will never be possible if I waste any time trying to chase any other goal than to serve God. 

(3) Suffering can help me.

A central focus of our faith is how suffering in life can help us. No moment of suffering need ever be wasted. We would all agree that an athlete preparing for competition puts herself through a lot of pain and personal sacrifice towards achieving her goal. A person preparing himself for holiness, in order to prepare for the life beyond, will need to make similar sacrifices and endure pain as a part of developing character. 

When I suffer, I can lift that suffering up to God as a sacrifice for the good of another. I can also use that suffering as an opportunity to surrender my human will to God's will, as Jesus did. I can experience a bond between me and Jesus as I willingly embrace suffering. 

The Catholic practice of penance is also a way to use suffering as an advantage. The evil one believes he can control us with the fear of suffering and death. When we willingly choose suffering, we baffle him. That is why the Passion and Cross of our Lord is the most powerful antidote to evil. 

(4) Comfort? Why?

Many people turn to religion as a comfort when life is painful and challenging, but if I use prayer primarily to make myself feel better, I am using God and not serving God. God's purpose is not to help us feel good, but to BE good- the salt and light of the earth. Although often prayer can be comforting, I do not have to be a slave to comfort when I choose to follow God. Peace is far better than comfort. 

God- Why We Need To Talk

I was at a retreat last year where our retreat master said to us, “You will never make time for prayer until you realize prayer is the most important thing you can do.”

There are many days when I think the most important thing I can do is earning a living, or to have fun playing a computer game or to organize my closet, and yes, there are times when these are important things for us to do. But, prayer actually is the most important thing we can do every day.

Why is prayer the most important thing we can do? Well, for one thing, we are utterly dependent on God for everything, from the air we breathe to whether our hearts beat or not.

Prayer acknowledges that we are unable to do anything at all, much less anything important, without God.

And why is that helpful to know? Because God does listen. He does answer our prayers and he is capable of doing anything. Nothing is impossible for God.

My relationship to prayer has changed. For six years, I prayed selfish prayers. I prayed for my continual happiness, good fortune, fame and success in every endeavor to impress others. I learned to cultivate “feel good” during prayer time, by focusing on the vague idea of what love “feels” like.

I was surprised to learn later that love is not a feeling. I was also surprised to learn that in relationship with God, as in any relationship, it isn't very loving to “use” our friends. Sometimes in life, it can seem that God is supposed to be our “prosperity dispenser,” but that is not His function in our lives.

As my relationship to prayer has changed, my relationship to God has changed. It's been significant for me to begin to know the person, Jesus. Jesus is God in a relatable form. I never used to pray to Jesus, only to the Father. But, since Jesus is my friend now, I want to learn all about his life and about who He is. So, my relationship with Jesus has become a more mature and healthy one now.

When I pray to God, I know God is there. I feel Him there, but that's not how I know He's there. Jesus, like “love” is not a feeling. He's Truth itself in human form. Truth can feel all sorts of ways or no way at all. And prayer is not always my “fun time” anymore. I often don't look forward to it.

In addition to the Liturgy of the Hours and daily mass, Secular Carmelites are supposed to do a minimum of thirty minutes of silent prayer a day. And when you think about it, since the Carmelite charism is prayer and prayer is our true vocation in Carmel, thirty minutes is not much time. Yet, in our busy lives in the world, everyone struggles at times to integrate even that minimum routine. This is my third year into practicing this way of life and I still have some really erratic times.

I can tell you why. It's always pride. It's always that I forget I need him for everything there is and that is why prayer is the most important thing I can do. Our relationship with God is definitely that-- a relationship with a Person. Like any relationship, we need to put the time and effort into keeping it alive and growing.

During good times and bad, we need to talk.  

Fasting from Facebook: Fruits of Famine

My Facebook Fast:

A Conservative Catholic's Hiatus from Social Media

Day 1: Woke up excited as usual to get on Facebook first thing to see what all my FB friends were doing. Then realized.. ICK.. I can't do that. Fingers still automatically tapped to find it on my phone and my iPad, before I realized I had wisely taken it off. Well, what else will I do? Maybe do my morning prayers first. Okay, good. But, I really, really, really want to do something, anything compulsive on my computer- web searches! That will fill the void. Why can't I stop this? Am I getting nowhere as far as developing self-control?

Um, yeah, well it is still day one. And morning.

Bookmarking articles everywhere I wish I could share but can't. That's funny. That's enlightening. That's amazing. I want to show you! show you! show you, world! Please! Why, oh why God did I decide to go on this Facebook fast? I have such great things to share with the world! And now, they'll never know.

I never realized it was so important for me to keep the world informed of current issues.

Day 2

Isn't that cute, the way my cat woke me up this morning? And I can't tell anyone on FB. Drat! Breakfast looked beautiful too. No one will get to see a photo of my delicious meal. *Sigh!* I was going through the news, and I saw some really ugly churches and compared them to the beautiful ones of yesteryear. And some vestments too. And, I was unable to post that in my liturgical abuses group or ANY of my traditional Catholicism groups. What kind of fun is that?

A combat marine survived a head shot thanks to the intervention of St. Michael. What if nobody posted that? Would the world know about the miracle without my letting them know? And there is another Cardinal with an opinion that goes against what I feel Jesus intended. Where is my group where we can all vent and roll our eyes and finally just pray because we resign ourselves to bemoan how it's not our job to judge that?

Sad and grumpy. Hating it. I'm still finding other compulsive things to do online, like obsessive online searches, which I am feeling powerless to stop. Somehow, I miss the compulsivity outlet served by FB. Took two online quizzes at Psych Central which confirmed, I am a "high intensity user" and "very likely a FB addict." Realized I am a "high intensity everything," and providentially found another intense, yet not addictive thing to do.  Involved moody music and dark art and poetry.

Day Three

This is like being a kid and you're grounded and not being able to talk to  your "fwends." Even if they're virtual and not in person, they are still my friends and I miss them. My life was much more peaceful when I stuck to sane limits.  I want that back. But, I let that commitment slip and so I honestly felt the only way to get it back under control was to do this "fast."

I made a list of all the many reasons why spending too much time on Facebook is bad for me, to remind myself I am doing the right thing. Mainly, Facebook was standing in the way of my serenity and connection with God, because all that constant stimulation interrupted my contemplation and sometimes took precedence over my prayer time. 

Day Four

Still won't say I'm loving this, but I'm appreciating it more. What I appreciate most is that after today, most of the week will be over. But, in addition to that, my internal life has more of a "flow" to it. I am calmer and more at peace. My reflections seem to be deepening.

Today is the Feast of the Guardian Angels. Normally, I would be creating a new Facebook cover with angels on it and trying to find controversial discussions about angels, so I could make sure everyone knows that although it is not forbidden to name your guardian angel, it is also not encouraged, according to Vatican documents.

I'm thinking about how much time I spend on Facebook "setting people straight" and being the public authority on all things righteous, good and holy. Goodness, it must be good to be queen... so much so, that it is very good to abdicate the throne. Instead of trying to do great and mighty things in the world through posting about important issues, my inner experience of contemplative life is soaring.

As a result of contemplating today's prayers, mass and readings, I'm feeling closer to my guardian angel than ever before. I've worked out some issues that have been bothering me in prayer. I've been way more creative, because I'm not distracted by things like laughing at animal videos and wanting to see how many people liked my post about ending the satanic mass... AND I'm closer to the end of the tunnel of this long, long week.

Maybe my guardian angel will help me with my Facebook problem.

Day Five

There's just something exciting about rooting out the horrible things in the world, whether they be abortion or satanism, ISIS or poor grammar. There is a sense of strength, as though through a simple click on my computer, I can somehow sway and influence the world. It feels powerful. It feels purposive and meaningful. I'm sure it is, when many of us work together on social media to promote a just solution to these problems.

But, so much of this is just a distraction for me from going within, and I can do a LOT more good in the world by going within to be with God and let Him work on me and develop me into a better servant. Praying is far more productive than "clicking" on Facebook. Indescribably more productive, in fact, since only God can affect change.

I'm starting to get the feeling that when I go back on Facebook, it will not be the same. After seeing the themes I have seen in myself in these few days, I no longer think being on Facebook for large periods of my time is a very useful way to spend my time. Maybe it won't even matter when the "Magic Monday" of October 6 comes for me.

Day Six

Today, I've read through a few news stories, all of which upset me. An author wants to know why the Duchess of Cambridge has been "forced" to go through another pregnancy so soon. As if giving birth to new life is a cruel sentence imposed on us through society. And this is printed in The Guardian. As I read through the comments, I see that what is appallingly obvious to me isn't even considered by anyone. They are all debating whether she is "forced" or not, as if she had been raped or artificially inseminated against her will, as if it was cruel to Kate Middleton for her to give birth to human life when it might be inconvenient to her.

An article also attacked Jessa Duggar for the "incredibly insensitive" comment of comparing abortion to the Holocaust. Almost everyone who is pro-life agrees. The sanctity of human life is ignored in both situations. And yet, of course, Jessa is being shamed. I did send Jessa a tweet to say, "You go, girl," but that wasn't Facebook, so I enjoyed the moment- probably a bit more than I should.

Also, another person, Peter Kassig, is slated to be killed by ISIS, and yet a transgender teen is being "victimized" because he cannot shower in a locker room with young teenage girls. Yes, my blood pressure is rising. But, if anything is predictable about society, it's that society isn't going to go my way. And God is still on His throne. And we know how all this ends.

So, deep breath. This is good. It's easier to pull away and not stay on the topic half an hour, debating until my stress level rises to the moon.

But, my opinions are not likely to become popular, regardless. I need to face this.

Get over it, Laura. Blog, post, let people hate you. It's not your job to change their minds. Go on with your life and do other things. Get off the stupid web. Live.

Day Seven

Even though I'm going back to Facebook in the morning, I am not the same person who was on there last week. I think I will be less prone to get back into compulsive-mode again. Well.. I can't promise any of those things.. We'll see how I do!

You know, in the old days, when we wanted to talk about something, we talked about something. To people. With our voices. Sometimes, we looked at them with our eyes and reached out to them with our hands, too.

Making "social media" our main social outlet can lead us to forget what "social" is even supposed to mean. Granted, for those of us with social challenges and anxiety, having a low-stress social outlet is a great blessing, but whenever possible, we should not forget to challenge ourselves in ways that can move us beyond that. Why not call our friends more?

I am Laura Paxton and I am a contemplative, an author, publisher and app developer. Although it is important to stand up for important causes, the less time I spend stressed out and fixated on them, the better. I have better things to do in the world.

But Monday still can't get here fast enough!

Fasting from Facebook: Fruits of Famine

My Facebook Fast:

A Conservative Catholic's Hiatus from Social Media

Day 1: Woke up excited as usual to get on Facebook first thing to see what all my FB friends were doing. Then realized.. ICK.. I can't do that. Fingers still automatically tapped to find it on my phone and my iPad, before I realized I had wisely taken it off. Well, what else will I do? Maybe do my morning prayers first. Okay, good. But, I really, really, really want to do something, anything compulsive on my computer- web searches! That will fill the void. Why can't I stop this? Am I getting nowhere as far as developing self-control?

Um, yeah, well it is still day one. And morning.

Bookmarking articles everywhere I wish I could share but can't. That's funny. That's enlightening. That's amazing. I want to show you! show you! show you, world! Please! Why, oh why God did I decide to go on this Facebook fast? I have such great things to share with the world! And now, they'll never know.

I never realized it was so important for me to keep the world informed of current issues.

Day 2

Isn't that cute, the way my cat woke me up this morning? And I can't tell anyone on FB. Drat! Breakfast looked beautiful too. No one will get to see a photo of my delicious meal. *Sigh!* I was going through the news, and I saw some really ugly churches and compared them to the beautiful ones of yesteryear. And some vestments too. And, I was unable to post that in my liturgical abuses group or ANY of my traditional Catholicism groups. What kind of fun is that?

A combat marine survived a head shot thanks to the intervention of St. Michael. What if nobody posted that? Would the world know about the miracle without my letting them know? And there is another Cardinal with an opinion that goes against what I feel Jesus intended. Where is my group where we can all vent and roll our eyes and finally just pray because we resign ourselves to bemoan how it's not our job to judge that?

Sad and grumpy. Hating it. I'm still finding other compulsive things to do online, like obsessive online searches, which I am feeling powerless to stop. Somehow, I miss the compulsivity outlet served by FB. Took two online quizzes at Psych Central which confirmed, I am a "high intensity user" and "very likely a FB addict." Realized I am a "high intensity everything," and providentially found another intense, yet not addictive thing to do.  Involved moody music and dark art and poetry.

Day Three

This is like being a kid and you're grounded and not being able to talk to  your "fwends." Even if they're virtual and not in person, they are still my friends and I miss them. My life was much more peaceful when I stuck to sane limits.  I want that back. But, I let that commitment slip and so I honestly felt the only way to get it back under control was to do this "fast."

I made a list of all the many reasons why spending too much time on Facebook is bad for me, to remind myself I am doing the right thing. Mainly, Facebook was standing in the way of my serenity and connection with God, because all that constant stimulation interrupted my contemplation and sometimes took precedence over my prayer time. 

Day Four

Still won't say I'm loving this, but I'm appreciating it more. What I appreciate most is that after today, most of the week will be over. But, in addition to that, my internal life has more of a "flow" to it. I am calmer and more at peace. My reflections seem to be deepening.

Today is the Feast of the Guardian Angels. Normally, I would be creating a new Facebook cover with angels on it and trying to find controversial discussions about angels, so I could make sure everyone knows that although it is not forbidden to name your guardian angel, it is also not encouraged, according to Vatican documents.

I'm thinking about how much time I spend on Facebook "setting people straight" and being the public authority on all things righteous, good and holy. Goodness, it must be good to be queen... so much so, that it is very good to abdicate the throne. Instead of trying to do great and mighty things in the world through posting about important issues, my inner experience of contemplative life is soaring.

As a result of contemplating today's prayers, mass and readings, I'm feeling closer to my guardian angel than ever before. I've worked out some issues that have been bothering me in prayer. I've been way more creative, because I'm not distracted by things like laughing at animal videos and wanting to see how many people liked my post about ending the satanic mass... AND I'm closer to the end of the tunnel of this long, long week.

Maybe my guardian angel will help me with my Facebook problem.

Day Five

There's just something exciting about rooting out the horrible things in the world, whether they be abortion or satanism, ISIS or poor grammar. There is a sense of strength, as though through a simple click on my computer, I can somehow sway and influence the world. It feels powerful. It feels purposive and meaningful. I'm sure it is, when many of us work together on social media to promote a just solution to these problems.

But, so much of this is just a distraction for me from going within, and I can do a LOT more good in the world by going within to be with God and let Him work on me and develop me into a better servant. Praying is far more productive than "clicking" on Facebook. Indescribably more productive, in fact, since only God can affect change.

I'm starting to get the feeling that when I go back on Facebook, it will not be the same. After seeing the themes I have seen in myself in these few days, I no longer think being on Facebook for large periods of my time is a very useful way to spend my time. Maybe it won't even matter when the "Magic Monday" of October 6 comes for me.

Day Six

Today, I've read through a few news stories, all of which upset me. An author wants to know why the Duchess of Cambridge has been "forced" to go through another pregnancy so soon. As if giving birth to new life is a cruel sentence imposed on us through society. And this is printed in The Guardian. As I read through the comments, I see that what is appallingly obvious to me isn't even considered by anyone. They are all debating whether she is "forced" or not, as if she had been raped or artificially inseminated against her will, as if it was cruel to Kate Middleton for her to give birth to human life when it might be inconvenient to her.

An article also attacked Jessa Duggar for the "incredibly insensitive" comment of comparing abortion to the Holocaust. Almost everyone who is pro-life agrees. The sanctity of human life is ignored in both situations. And yet, of course, Jessa is being shamed. I did send Jessa a tweet to say, "You go, girl," but that wasn't Facebook, so I enjoyed the moment- probably a bit more than I should.

Also, another person, Peter Kassig, is slated to be killed by ISIS, and yet a transgender teen is being "victimized" because he cannot shower in a locker room with young teenage girls. Yes, my blood pressure is rising. But, if anything is predictable about society, it's that society isn't going to go my way. And God is still on His throne. And we know how all this ends.

So, deep breath. This is good. It's easier to pull away and not stay on the topic half an hour, debating until my stress level rises to the moon.

But, my opinions are not likely to become popular, regardless. I need to face this.

Get over it, Laura. Blog, post, let people hate you. It's not your job to change their minds. Go on with your life and do other things. Get off the stupid web. Live.

Day Seven

Even though I'm going back to Facebook in the morning, I am not the same person who was on there last week. I think I will be less prone to get back into compulsive-mode again. Well.. I can't promise any of those things.. We'll see how I do!

You know, in the old days, when we wanted to talk about something, we talked about something. To people. With our voices. Sometimes, we looked at them with our eyes and reached out to them with our hands, too.

Making "social media" our main social outlet can lead us to forget what "social" is even supposed to mean. Granted, for those of us with social challenges and anxiety, having a low-stress social outlet is a great blessing, but whenever possible, we should not forget to challenge ourselves in ways that can move us beyond that. Why not call our friends more?

I am Laura Paxton and I am a contemplative, an author, publisher and app developer. Although it is important to stand up for important causes, the less time I spend stressed out and fixated on them, the better. I have better things to do in the world.

But Monday still can't get here fast enough!

1 a.m. Prayer for Forgetting

Do you remember a dream
that was not about you?
Did it torment or soothe you 

or did neither one matter,
not thinking of you?

What did you see?
What did you hear?

Where were you,
or, did you wonder that?

Was it surreal 
or so real that you froze there?

Did you try to remember
yourself,
but could not?

Tell me,
If you have been there,
please, 

for I can't remember
not remembering me.

I implore you,
Teach me the way.

-Laura Marie Paxton,
09/17/14, 1 a.m.

Help Me Serve You, Lord

Help me serve you Lord, for I am too accustomed to serving mainly myself.

Help me serve you, Lord, with  all my heart and all my mind, for I am too used to the distraction of my selfish interests.

Help me serve you, Lord, for my salvation lies only in your service. To desire and to pursue becoming a master of others, a hero or a show-off is to choose the path taken by the evil one. 

Help me serve you, Lord, for only you can save us, have saved us, and will always save us. I know the path of self-glorification best and I don't have much experience with following your path. 

Help me serve you, Lord, for all you've ever done is serve us, while I complain and am ungrateful, as if you owe me something.

Help me serve you Lord, for you created a beautiful world. We were selfish and ungrateful, so you took on flesh and sacrificed that flesh to show us how there is no greater love than to seek to do your will through service. I am caught up in myself and I actually ignore how you gave me your all.

Help me serve you, Lord, for you are always there to save me, but in my selfish blindness, I demand that others rescue me and do your job as Savior.

Help me serve you, Lord, because all I seem to want to do is prove my worth and importance to you and to others through the "good" and "helpful" things I do.

Help me serve you, Lord, for only you can and have made a worthy sacrifice. Don't accept my gifts when they are tainted by my pride. Please, Lord, don't let me insult you that way.

Help me serve you, Lord. I am no good at this.

Lord, have mercy.

Amen.

Laura Marie Paxton
09/05/14

The 7 Most Mindblowingly Liberating Things I've Learned As A Catholic

I finally figured out what matters.

This is it.

(1) I do not need a happy ending in life. 

The Meaning: Life isn't meant to be a fairy tale. Whether or not we become rich, famous or even comfortable is completely inconsequential. We are Christians. We follow the example of Christ, who died a brutal death. The majority of saints (and people in general) also died in unpleasant ways.

The Freedom: No matter how my life ends, I can die a "happy death," knowing that I am at peace with God. I will know my life has been worth living and my soul belongs to Jesus Christ forever, despite all of my human failings and any regrets.

(2) How I feel about my life doesn't matter. 

The Meaning: Whether I think my life is going well or not is completely inconsequential. How does God view it? And how can I improve my efforts to be of service to God? 

Is God heartless? Does he just not care what I am going through? No. He is compassionate. But when my feelings become more important than following His will, I don't need to pay attention to them and no one who really cares about me should pay attention to them either.

The Freedom: Less time wasted with pointlessly evaluating my life in terms of chemical and hormonal reactions to my environment. So, when I am able to accomplish detaching from my feelings, I have more time to actually live. And when I am able to accomplish actually living, all that time spent living is spent more at peace.

(3) How other people feel about my life doesn't matter either. 

 The Meaning: Whether people agree with what I believe and do is irrelevant because what God wants is important and not what they want. 

 The Freedom: I know what God wants is what's best for me. Unless someone is there to guide me towards discovering God's will, I do not need their opinion. So, if people want to insist that I accept moral relativism or reincarnation or abortion, they are not able to influence me at all. I am secure  in my convictions because I have strong roots in my desire to please Him. 

(4) Even if I became a god or goddess, it wouldn't matter. 

The Meaning: Having "personal power," or realizing the greatness in my soul in order to "manifest" whatever "abundance" I believe I deserve is not going to contribute one iota to my happiness or well being. I once believed that detaching myself from judgment, to achieve my desires, was freedom. Now, I see that the desires were the prison, not the judgment.

The Freedom: Who cares who I am? I belong to the infinite Creator of the universe, to all the power there is. To want what He wants is to want the perfect good. As much as I often think I am special or that I need to be special, the truth is that I don't have to be anybody, not anybody at all. Just His!

"Lord, when we ask you for honors, income, money or worldly things, do not hear us."

-St. Teresa of Avila

(5) If I never have sex again, it will not matter.

The Meaning: Sex is not necessary for psychological health.  Saints (those who were Religious or single) lived in deep fulfillment and peace without sex. A confidential survey of priests who have chosen celibacy showed that 90% are "very happy" with their decision. Having sex may be good for relieving stress, reducing blood pressure and it may have other health benefits, but not not having sex is not a proven physical or psychological health deterrent.

The Freedom: One less thing to focus on, feel driven by or worry about. One less empty thing to turn to as a potential "fix" for a lack of fulfillment in life. Less drama. Freedom from the hormones and intense drives and attachments of sex-based relationships. More complex and interesting aspects of myself and others to focus on. Far greater peace of mind. Me= Four years chaste. Loving it.

(6) One thing DOES matter:
Absolute truth is the only truth there is. 

The Meaning: If everything is equally true, then nothing is true. Truth has no meaning then.

The Freedom: I don't need to seek anymore. I have the True Faith. Yes, other religions contain some truth, but I have the full truth. I don't need to justify it, explain it, or convince anyone else. Remember, after all, I don't care how anyone else feels about it. I only need to live it, with deep gratitude.

(7) Never stop asking- "How Could I Do Better?" 

 The Meaning: It doesn't matter what horrible challenges life throws at me- Those are not excuses to wallow in self-pity or to justify selfishness. Nothing but doing my best is relevant.

The Freedom: This is the annoying part, the part that often does not feel freeing. Fortunately for me, (whenever I am able to remember it), I know that it does not matter how I feel. Yet, if I do not push forward, I am doomed to slide backward.  And truthfully, learning to live a Christian life is hard work. Yet, each time I free myself more from an over-attachment to a person, place or thing, it is worth it. Each moment I am not robotically controlled by my emotions and desires, I am freer.

Before my conversion, near the beginning of the RCIA program, our class discussed the goal of the Catholic Church. We were told that the goal is to help each Christian develop a more mature relationship with Jesus Christ. 

So, I said, "Wow. What would that look like?" The answer, from our teacher, Marybeth, was "saints." I was a little jarred, since I'd imagined that people who just believed and did what they were told could not be very mature.. but it's not WHAT you learn as much as HOW you learn that changes you, forms and matures you. Like everything else in the Church, it is paradox. 

Now that I understand what matters, I will spend the rest of my life working toward actually doing what counts. 

Every day, it seems I see how much worse I am at doing that. But, that's just how I feel, and that... 

doesn't matter.

ISIS is Herodias

I just returned from Liturgy for the Memorial of the beheading of St. John the Baptist. I could not help thinking the whole time about James Foley and of all the poor children who have been beheaded for Isis for the "crime" of their being baptized. This parallel will probably crop up everywhere in blogs today, because it is probably so obvious, but Herodias didn't like St. John the Baptist's righteous opinion (true judgment). It threatened her pride, the root of ALL evil. This is exactly the same issue with ISIS. Christians believe we have the true faith, although we don't want to take away anyone's freedom to choose any faith they want. Our "opinion" (i.e. truth) is not a threat to Muslims or Pagans. But, I think deep down, they know we are right. They know we hold the Truth. And their pride cannot handle that. Isis is Herodias. Destroying a righteous person does not destroy goodness, love or justice- not at all. And that is Christ's victory from the cross. The battle is won, no matter how much ISIS wants to terrify us that they are somehow stronger. Every martyr for our faith strengthens our faith. Every tear. Every drop of blood. #WeAreN

Hypomania. Here's How To Manage It.

Hypomania. 

What is hypomania?

If you are not bipolar, "hypomania" may be a normal, pleasant part of your personalty. Some people are naturally high-energy and don't need much sleep. Hypomania won't make you have problems in your life. You won't fall into depressive episodes in your life either. And yes, you are very, very lucky. 

If you are bipolar, hypomania is a low-grade mania. If you are Bipolar, Type II, this is the worst your mania will get. It can cause problems for you with making poor, impulsive decisions. It can "crash" into a deep depression that could be morbidly deep. So, yes, you do need to manage your hypomania, because it can do a lot of damage in your life.

But, unless you are Bipolar, Type I,  it won't grow and exacerbate to the point where it can make you psychotic or need to be hospitalized. Hypomania, for Bipolar I, is a sign that you are not stable and you are in danger of attaining great heights of instability. Sadly, I am a Bipolar I. Happily, I now know what to do about this problem.

Experienced sufferers of Bipolar I may go into terror when they hear their doctor tell them they are "hypomanic." Will the mania grow to an all-consuming point where you will be unable to contain your behavior? Truthfully, you don't know. Even with the best hypomania management techniques, there are no guarantees. Yet, if you don't try, it's likely your hypomania will escalate.

So, here is a very simple guide of what to do.

(1) Stop Freaking Out About It: "Freaking out" and worrying about it and feeling powerless and helpless will ramp hypomania up.

(2) Let the people you are closest to and see most often know the symptoms of hypomania and ask them to point them out to you when they see them. 

Common Early Symptom List:
*Intense, high-anxiety.
*Unusually strong irritability.
*Behavior out of the ordinary for you (You might hear people say, "You're not acting like yourself.")
*Ability to do much more work than usual, more efficiently.
*Something traumatic happens and you feel no reaction. "I must be dealing with this really well!" Um, no. (Caveat: Yes, you may be learning to cope better- Yet numbness followed by euphoria may indicate that you have been blindsided by something.)
*Intensely happy, out of the blue, for absolutely no reason. "Wow. What happened? Was I just enlightened?" Um, no.

Full List: http://psychcentral.com/disorders/hypomanic-episode-symptoms/

(3) Follow your doctor's instructions to the letter even when that is the last thing in the world you want to do- and it will be. (If you are laughing hysterically alone in your apartment like you are naturally blissfully high, do you really want to take that pill your doctor said to take right away to make it stop?) I can answer that easily for you. NO, you will certainly NOT want to do that.

SO.. Poster time. Post, somewhere in your home, what can happen if you do not follow your doctor's instructions.

Sample Poster Contents:
*Mania feels good but mania will not be good if I let it control me.
*Mania can land me in the hospital.
*Mania can quickly lead to bankruptcy.
*Mania leads me to do things I'm ashamed of later.
*Mania scares my family.
*Mania can crash into severe depression.
Stop. Do all you can to make it stop. (Personalize this more based on your experience.)

(4) Do Things You Really Should Be Doing Anyway:

Go intentionally slowly about your life. LOTS of pauses. LOTS of breaks. REST. Take a "thought vacation." Very little about what you think about while you are manic is meaningful and that often feels overwhelming and frustrating. So, don't even bother trying to figure some things out. Accept confusion for now. Remember- You are not well. So, treat yourself like it. Relax.

DO correct errors in logic. Practice mindfulness more conscientiously. Take almost nothing you are worried about or fixated on seriously. Live your life in little "bites," even though you want to woof it all down at once! Breathe more. Walk more. The storms can pass instead of escalate. But, monitor, monitor, monitor and take care, care, care. Make relaxation a primary goal.

(5) Ride it out, and as long as you are doing what your doctor said, enjoy the creative flood you may be having. Sometimes, hypomania gives you ideas for new projects and the impetus to start to carry them out. As it grows toward increased mania, however, your thoughts will get so scattered and overwhelming, your work will lose focus completely. Watch the process. Monitor and tell your doctor when you start to see this.

Crisis Plan: How To Nip It In The Bud Early

Stressful events and trauma can immediately trigger bipolar disorder, creating a mess of misfired neurotransmitters and chemical flooding. So, make a list in advance of what you will do, step by step, as soon as you have the awareness that something traumatic or stressful has happened to you, even if you don't feel a thing. Follow this list very carefully. 

#1 should be, "Call your doctor." Yes, your doctor. Call him before you call your family, your therapist or your minister. Doctor. He needs to know you need more monitoring. #2 and the rest are up to you, but "choice options" are best. For example: "I will sit and say certain prayers OR I will call my Aunt Mary." You don't know what you'll be in the mood for, but you will need simple choices, so don't give yourself more than two to choose from for each line. Write down your own personalized steps for crisis time. Add your crisis plan to your poster of why you need to do what your doctor says. That's the best idea.

Possible Other Helps:

* Intensely emotional music. Some recommend not listening to intense music, because it could make you more emotional, but intense music contains my hypomania. Unsure why. I have really strong feelings, get tired and let go of them when the song is over. So, give me Imogen Heap or Regina Spektor, Rachmaninoff, or Andrea Bocelli. I don't care the style. Just give me intense. For others, soothing music might be better, but I am just not a "Yanni person."

*Take your mind off worry with art, poetry or musical composition. 

*Meditation and prayer.

Don't Hate Me Because I Don't Care If You or I Am a Goddess.

You are whole. You are weak, but with God, you are strong. You are a precious child of God.

When you read these words do you feel the truth of them ringing in your bones?

If not or if so, why are your feelings the barometer of what is true or not true?

Or do you feel the weight of the desire for self-aggrandizement and self-absorption, the deep-marrow fear of not being good enough, and the exhaustion of seeking your value outside of yourself?

Good news. You are not good enough (on your own) and you never will be. You also do not have to seek value outside yourself. All your worth and value comes from God. With God, you are always good enough. Yes, we're dependent on Him for all things, but we are precious beyond measure.

If you don't love and honor God, our Creator and Savior with every fiber of your being, if you could use more joyful play and simple awareness of the presence of His Majesty in your life, if you struggle with understanding the tyranny of your passions and desire to be powerful instead of to serve Him, then it is time for an inner revolution. 

It is time to claim your honored position as a Spiritual Warrior for the sake of what is timeless and true, fighting against the empty promise that worship of yourself as a goddess will bring you anything more than a desolate, selfish spiritual death.

The new women's revolution is an evolution from being self-focused to God focused. When our conscience is NOT silenced and suffocated by our selfish desires, we are finally free to direct our energies towards our own creative, purposive and authentic life that will bring true freedom.

When we bring our attention back to discovering who God intended us to be – not who we wish we were or who we think we should be – we begin a sacred path of transformation towards our innate, authentic, embodied ability to love in the natural way God created us to love.

This is the path of the Spiritual Warrior.

This invitation is a window of opportunity to form the most intimate relationship possible with the infinite Creator and Savior of the universe. My commitment is to tell you the truth so that you don't waste your life with lies. 

This is a parody, but it is also by someone who really does care about the welfare of your soul. (And doesn't it sound like a bit more common sense?

I will not link to the original invitation to emptiness, egotistical inflation and spiritual death, because I do not think it is fair to target one individual teacher and one program, when there are so many doing such similar things..They promise things, like how you will actually be able to study personally with a very important person who knows all about how to be dazzling wonderful goddess. Aren't you lucky? And just $297.

[The picture above is of The Blessed Virgin Mary, Our Mother, who is not and has never been a goddess. And it doesn't matter that she's not and that we're not either.]

Strange Islands Beyond the Self-Absorbed

As I was walking home from mass today, I noticed that I was standing in an odd place. Why was I there? I had walked a block from where I needed to turn to go home and I had not noticed anything on my way. My last memory was of crossing the street two blocks before and from that point, my legs moved, but I was lost in my mind.

Of course, most people and not just autistics wander off in their thoughts and get physically lost occasionally.  Yet, this experience is often frequent in autistic adults as well as children. Sometimes, it's called, "wandering," and it can be quite dangerous, especially when children do it. In my case today, it was simple to change my path to walk home, but I cannot recall the number of times this sort of thing has happened to me. At times of my life, especially under stress, it's more the rule than the exception.

The comical part of all this is the content of the thoughts I was having. I was deeply pondering and contemplating why I am often so self-absorbed! Oh, wow. This is the very thing I've been "working on" in my spiritual life lately, and I was too self-absorbed to see it! So, I actually stopped and laughed a little bit, (well, actually I giggled pretty intensely,) out of the blue- also a very autistic thing to do.  I did not care who might be looking on at the "loony girl."

On the way home, I was careful to look around and watch the trees and flowers. I really enjoyed the sense of being more open to the world. I did not want to look at the people, and that is common for me.

The social world is not a "safe place" for autistic people.  The social world is a mass of confusing things- Nonverbal communication is supposed to be 80% of communication and my brain has no area  that works to process such things. I know I'm missing a lot. By only hearing the words, I cannot detect deceit. I also don't pick up on insincerity well. I have to be careful to try to take in the overall context of the conversation anyway, so that I don't say something socially that doesn't "fit," and embarrass myself or offend another person.

People are also over-stimulating in themselves. Just watching their face while I hear their voice can be overwhelming. So, social time is tiring, to say the least.. and the better and more convincing I manage to do at it, the more exhausted I am later.

And, of course, this brings me to the topic of how is it that I can be less self-centered, when being inside myself is my sanctuary? At the end of the day, I look back on the times when people tried to share something about themselves to me and I assumed it was all about me, when it wasn't. I want to be more present for people. I want to be a better friend. To do that, I need to take risks and that doesn't mean I feel comfortable with them.

God did not intend a purely contemplative life in a cloister for me. He has called me to be a contemplative in the world. It's the "in the world" part I don't like. Yet, if I can get lost in a book, in artwork or a game or learning coding, I can get lost in a person and what they have to say as well, when I am determined to do that. People should never assume I'm not interested in them or that I don't care about them because of these difficulties, because it usually has little to do with that.

People who need the most love are the least safe. My Secular Carmelite friends are actually perfect friends. They do not gossip. They do not talk negatively about anyone else. If they do, they are running to confession right away! No, I am not worried about any sort of harm from them.

And yet, Jesus Christ calls me to open myself to people, who can be the source of harm, and to a life of loving, giving and service even to the point of the very crucifixion of myself. Now, it would make no sense to continually force myself to socialize to the point of meltdown every day. The trick is to take good care of myself so I can tolerate more and more time with people. To do that, I need to do more than merely monitor and reduce sensory overwhelm.

I need a deeply secure spiritual core, to provide a sense of emotional safety, so that even if I am in a meltdown, I am at peace. (And yes, that is possible, because a meltdown is the involuntary response of the nervous system to overstimulation, not a psychological issue.) We can have migraines and be at peace, so why not in a meltdown? I am learning this.

St. John of the Cross writes often about "strange islands," which is the experience of finding himself in a state of awareness and experience he has never been in before. He is referring to experiences he has within himself with God. For me, the "strange islands" are about taking God with me as I venture into the wilderness of unpredictable and confusing people.

And so, in this way, I hope I find myself "standing in an odd place" more often, with my deep sense of security in God unaltered.

The Eucharist and the “Ghost in the Machine”

As an autistic, I have the unenviable ability to almost completely compartmentalize my intellect from emotions. I go into a “machine mode.”

My friends often have a very unfortunate experience with that. They talk to me while I am in the middle of “implementing my agenda,” and they see that I do not acknowledge their feelings at all. Friends who know me well stop me and say, “Hey, I just poured out my heart to you,” or “I just disclosed something hard for me to say,” and of course, I collapse into a sea of apologies. I don't realize what I did, but of course I want to acknowledge the feelings of my friends!

My autistic reality is not all that different from neurotypical reality. Humans minds work very much like computers, which is why computers are designed based on how our logical intellect works. Our minds are different from computers because emotional drives can dominate our experience. I know all about that too! I have been known to immerse myself in emotion and the “lever” that makes my brain work seems to snap completely off, while emotions drive my life. Whether we are emotionally driven or intellectually detached, we are all divided, unintegrated and crippled in our human experience.

Until we insert the variable of “infinity.”

Infinity. Yes, infinity. The God who exists outside space and time enters our reality in the Eucharist. The God who exists outside space and time enters my body in the Eucharist. The infinite God who created me enters me, body and soul, and begins to thread his infinite Self into my bones and cells. This creates a “jolt” that literally drags me to my knees. I am grateful to know the impact of His infinite love moving through me, joining Himself with my lowly soul.

How must Mary have felt when the infinite God found His home in her womb? I will never know the magnitude of that experience, but I can receive a “taste” of it through my experience of the Eucharist.

Why am I Catholic?

The Eucharist is why. When I was a young protestant, I received the Eucharist without knowing what it was. I immediately wept because I felt in that moment in union with God. It's always been that way for me. The effect of the Eucharist is a stab in my heart that kills me and brings me to life at the same time.

For that instant, I am integrated. I am whole. 

I walk out the door of church and become once again the struggling Secular Carmelite in formation who has difficulty staying dedicated to prayer. I amble about my daily life, continually wondering why my experience in the Eucharist does not stay with me. Thankfully, I let that concern go fairly quickly now, because I realize maintaining a life of service to Him is more important than what I happen to feel, but I still remain bewildered.

Sometimes, it is unclear what really moves me. Once years ago, someone who was working with me started to call me, “The Machine.” That was because I always had a relentless agenda for him to follow. And by relentless, I mean relentless. I should never be in a supervisory position over people. I've always been considered to be hard-driving and that is because “The Machine” that is my mind likes to go nonstop. (Thank God for helpers in my life who help me find balance beyond hyperfocus!) My new study of Xcode to program smartphones is a beautiful haven of structure and logic. I like to enter and shut the doors to the world. But, often, it is difficult for all of us to turn all that off and enter into the softer side of contemplation the machine of our mind longs for.

Human beings also have free will. This is what separates us from animals. Our souls have only one essential choice to make here on earth, "Will we serve God or will we serve ourselves?"

If we do not receive the Holy Spirit in our human lifetimes here in life, the seeds are not planted for eternal life. There is no “Ghost” in our machine. What is our soul apart from God's soul, who created us? How can it survive in any meaningful way? There are many who believe their soul IS actually God's soul and that their mind creates the world. People who take this position live in a counterfeit reality, sadly. Others, who see the Eucharist as a merely “symbolic meal,” or an experience that somehow incorporates “Real Presence,” without being the actual body and blood of Jesus Christ miss out on an immense experience as well.

The Eucharist is more than a “feel good experience,” thankfully. The Eucharist is fuel to go about serving God, infused and strengthened by God Himself. The Eucharist provides the deepest and most intimate connection that man can have with God.

Without that connection, we are alone in our weak human state. We act selfishly. We hurt people's feelings. We damage relationships because we are callous. There is no infinite God to appeal to who can forgive, heal and strengthen us. I constantly and reliably fail but at least that is not the end of my story.

We are more than machines. We need a healthy soul. The soul runs best on the fuel of the Eucharist and nothing else will do.

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghost_in_the_machine

R.I.P. Life

There was once a real world

where wind sang in the trees

and people listened close for sounds of God.

There was once a real world 

where we dreamt our soft dreams

and gentle breezes lifted our prayers.

And here we are now,

between bit and byte,

bleep and blight,

In this digital cemetery

we call our lives.

And the world cries out,

Hey, Look at me, Look at me.

Hear me post, see my face,

I will feed on your likes.

The cacophony, cry of the tech-numbed heart

Pushing man, God and nature further apart.

Burying our souls beneath our screens-

Can you feel? Can you breathe?

Can you look at the stars? 

Do you even remember a time long past,

When your eyes beheld nature

and God’s eyes looked back?

-Laura Marie Paxton,
07/08/14

I Am Free. (And it's not what I thought It was).

I'm Laura Paxton and I am free.

I am free to play, to create, to express myself, to explore my world. I am freer to think and to reason and daydream than I ever have before. I read more. I have meaningful work that I enjoy very much. I wake up each day with the joy of purpose before me.

Only about five years ago, I existed in a cramped, dark apartment where I had given up on life, agoraphobic, eating mostly chocolate bars for sustenance and playing online scrabble all day long to keep my mind off the pain trapped deep inside. How did I end up there?

Let's face it... I'm autistic. I'm bipolar. I've lived on the dangerous edges of life. I've been raped,  survived a near fatal suicide attempt, was almost successfully murdered and lived homeless at times in my teens. Over the course of my life, I've also been taken advantage of, tricked and abused because of my poor judgment, (which was poorer than most people's to begin with, because I'm autistic and don't judge social situations well). Add to that how I had a mother who rejected me. Compound that with how I was immersed in the "New Age" since childhood and my spiritual practices became more and more satanic-leaning over time. How am I alive? How am I even here? 

About five years ago, out of the blue, I decided to read a book on contemplative prayer by James Finley. I got to the part about how deeply people desire God and I wept. The sad tears turned into happy tears, because I realized I could finally feel again. It had been so long since I had felt anything! Best yet, the first thing I felt after many "dead" years prior was the desire for my God. I knew I needed to go back to church, and soon.

Through the past few years, I have come to experience freedom- and it only took over forty years to find it. Freedom is the opposite of what I always thought it was. 

My early ideas of freedom came from my parents, of course. It was really important to my parents that I have freedom- freedom to create, play and explore the world. The only problem with that is when there are no limits to it.

When I was a young teen, I could ask my parents whether I could go to an adult cocktail party and drink all I wanted and the answer was, "We don't believe in telling you what to do." I never had a curfew. I was never grounded in my life or put on any sort of restriction. I lived an anxious life, not even sure about what was safe or not a lot of the time. Being a total nervous wreck in a state of constant crisis, drama and repeated trauma caused by all the above wasn't exactly what I would call freeing!

There was only one thing in my life my parents absolutely forbid me to do- becoming Catholic. I told a friend this on the way to a retreat recently and she laughed so hard, I think soda came out of her nose.

I wanted to become Catholic very much. I was happy in the Church community. I had a good relationship with a nun named Sister Dorothy there and I would go and talk to her. I loved learning in CCD. It all made sense. And no, I did not go to Catholic school. I just found every way possible to spend as much time as possible at the Catholic Church, from late childhood to my early teens. Yet, eventually, my parents forbid it completely, when I was about fourteen. It was their first strong, "No." And why? "Catholicism will disrupt your direct relationship with God," they said. "We want you to think for yourself and we don't want a saint or a priest or a nun or anyone else to influence you."

Sooo... How did that work out for me? Not really well! There is no feeling I know better than the sense of being "lost."

"Lost" would be my area of expertise.

In my thirties, I followed a spiritual path for about six years which purported "total freedom" to be one of its goals. I haven't seen them put forward a consistent definition of what this means recorded anywhere, but the goal seems to rest on concepts like, "manifesting whatever you want in abundance," and "not being attached to anyone else's judgments or opinions of what you choose to do." I can't even begin to describe anything more constraining and spirit strangling.

Why? Because it's all a game of, "I believe, so I get," or "I believe, so I realize I already have." Because it's centered on "personal power" which is nothing more than worshiping at the altar of selfishness. I am. I have. I do with my power. There is none of the, "God alone suffices," of St. Teresa in that. You may find "all the love you need within yourself," and feel blissfully good, but you've only found a clever way to convince yourself you don't need the more deeply gratifying "meat" of spiritual life. And what's wrong with that? Nothing, if you don't mind the shallowness and emptiness that philosophy and lifestyle creates.

I can also tell you, just because you go to a different satsang or drum circle or circle ceremony every night to find spiritual freedom, you are not necessarily freer for it. By always seeking to break through the next set of limits, (or "limiting beliefs"), you will be searching forever. Of course, there are a limited number of "winners" in this way of life, who will tell you they have found what they were looking for. Those are the ones who make money through selling you this "freedom."

Freedom is actually free.

Someone told me a fable yesterday about a group of children who wanted to play ball next to a steep cliff. Of course, they were afraid to play. They could fall over the edge. They could lose their ball. So, they just sat huddled in a circle, afraid and not having any fun. Later, some people put up a fence and then the kids felt safer and they could play happily and freely. And, that would be a good description of my life today versus my past.

Freedom has to have bounds of some sort- edges, limits, containment. In fact, without a sense of outer security, inner peace is difficult to cultivate.

Now, I've talked to many people (mostly "reverts,") who grew up on the opposite, ultra-strict extreme and they are just as "messed up" as I was. When kids aren't given any room to play at all, that can be like living in shackles. So, often they end up throwing away all limits in life as a reaction to that. For either reason, once a person makes the decision to pursue "freedom" as a "limitless do my own thing," kind of an existence, they don't end up happy in the end either.

So, here we are, the converts and the reverts, two sides of the same coin, really.

I am Home again and I can breathe again. And life beat me to a pulp to get here. Because I have "been there, done that, tried almost everything," I know more solidly than most people do how there is no remote possibility that anything other than Catholicism is the Church Jesus founded. Here in the arms of the Church is the only source of the living bread and water our soul hungers and thirsts for so very much.

We need the chalice of God's love to hold us and fill us. Unlike "spiritual teachers" through the ages, Jesus was truly God. Jesus said He was,"The Way," not "a way." Because this is so, there must exist a true way, a path of certain and steady ground. It is not an act of cowardice (such as running from difficult questions) but an act of great courage to recognize and stand up for the answer when you find it. We are deeply blessed. We have the deep, solid security of knowing, "The Way."

Freedom really isn't "just another word for nothing else to lose." Freedom is another word for "nothing more to gain," and to gain everything is absolutely possible. As C.S. Lewis put so well, "A person who has God and everything else has no more than someone who has only God." With God, we truly do have nothing more to gain. And we are free.

(A related quote.)

"In John 8:32, Jesus tells us that the truth will make us free. However, the mentality mentioned above, so prevalent today, is one which fears the truth. It holds that truth is a relative category, and that the truth claims of the Church are not freeing, but rather enslaving. To counter this, Cardinal Ratzinger wrote that Christians today need to counter the skeptics’ question, “What is truth?” with a question of our own: “What is freedom?  What do we actually mean when we extol freedom, placing it at the pinnacle of our scale of values?” Taking up this call, I believe we need to learn and find ways to creatively present the now classical distinctions in moral theology between freedom of indifference and freedom for excellence, on the one hand, and morality of obligation and morality of happiness, on the other."

-Matthew J Ramage, PhD

http://www.hprweb.com/2014/05/benedict-xvi-on-freedom-in-obedience-to-the-truth-a-key-for-the-new-evangelization/