tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79289098295593219132024-03-13T04:45:53.806-07:00Carmel HeartWelcome to the creative expressions of a Secular Carmelite and publisher/developer of self-help media. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.comBlogger89125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-73704899029678631622015-06-11T00:54:00.000-07:002015-06-11T17:33:24.447-07:00RSVP to the evil one<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2rMRz1VDUA4/VXk-A0oupdI/AAAAAAAAEKY/pOg2zBwnH1I/s1600/rsvp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2rMRz1VDUA4/VXk-A0oupdI/AAAAAAAAEKY/pOg2zBwnH1I/s1600/rsvp.jpg" /></a></div>
Why do I fight you?<br />
and why do you scare me?<br />
<br />
You try to convince me I've done something horrible,<br />
ruined something precious, destroyed something vital,<br />
made people hate me and caused the people I respect most to not care about me. <br />
You are the accuser- accusing me of your own sly crimes.<br />
<br />
It's not okay to give you any power<br />
any attention, any emotion, any serious thought.<br />
<br />
God is stronger than you,<br />
and I can tell you, "No."<br />
<br />
When I fail, it's because I'm ashamed to admit<br />
you're getting the upper hand,<br />
but if I don't, no one can know to help me fight.<br />
<br />
Fear of the Lord is a healthy respect, a secure defense.<br />
Pride is a toxin, slowly ravaging souls.<br />
You want to keep tempting me to drink that pride,<br />
like a sedative, to calm your attacks. <br />
<br />
You work to scare me that life will disappoint<br />
and will hurt me every time. <br />
Fear of being hurt is the most stupid fear there is.<br />
Hurt can't harm like losing my soul.<br />
And you can harm me without hurting at all,<br />
with the opiate of your empty promises. <br />
<br />
Why do you terrify me that people don't love me?<br />
Screaming those lies at me, night and day.<br />
And that I am a bad person for caring at all.<br />
You serve me self-pity and drama as food,<br />
when I have the bread of eternal life.<br />
Why, you fool, do you even try? <br />
<br />
Since all you know to talk about is I, I, I and<br />
me, me, me--<br />
The only way to shut you up is not to think about myself at all.<br />
You don't know me anyway.<br />
The only "me" you know is the<br />
prey you want to capture<br />
in your quagmire of eternal pain.<br />
<br />
I will drown you in your useless tears,<br />
Lock you in a cell to shut out futile cries,<br />
Your impotent lies. <br />
<br />
Hell. That's right. Just go there,<br />
Now.<br />
Suffer by yourself.<br />
I won't be joining you.<br />
<br />
-Laura Marie Teresa Paxton<br />
06/11/2015 <br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-21304371613889291312015-05-13T00:09:00.000-07:002015-06-11T18:19:07.330-07:00Prayers for Pretenders<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WjxwUBl2tUE/VSIvmewbmYI/AAAAAAAAEGM/VdDkcAX-eiY/s1600/forgiveness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WjxwUBl2tUE/VSIvmewbmYI/AAAAAAAAEGM/VdDkcAX-eiY/s1600/forgiveness.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
With a stony heart,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It was hard to forgive,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
the years you pretended
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
to be my Lord.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You accepted His praise.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You accepted His gifts.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You accepted His money.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You are a thief.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You took His devotion.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You took His love. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You distorted His holiness,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
called Him a parasite,
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
when the real parasite was you.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You are not Him</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
and you are no mirror for Him,
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
for me, or for anyone.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Not once did you even try to be,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
although you let people </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
believe that you did.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You stood in His place.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You blocked His way.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You made promises </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
you never intended to
keep.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Why do it?</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It wouldn't serve you.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It was my crime too,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
to believe in you.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I have agonized over</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
my idolatry,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
and how I too</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
betrayed my Lord. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I will always go against myself</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
in everything I say and do</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
because if I don't,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I will stay the victim
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
of people like you,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
who make "all for self"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
your golden calf.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I unite this betrayal with Jesus'
betrayal by Judas.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
And I offer it up for His holy
purposes,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
for I am His, now and forever-</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
not yours.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Elijah,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
God gave me a natural heart</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
just like you said,
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
so
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
please pray for me to use that heart</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
to love my betrayers,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
leave God to judge them,
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
and wish for His mercy,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
for me and for them.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Amen</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-64133191924797049592015-05-04T14:18:00.000-07:002015-05-04T16:44:22.171-07:00Paul and Barnabas- Why Not Be "As Gods?"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lRTOpzpHoOs/VUfh5-RKpYI/AAAAAAAAEHk/UwmpljivAvo/s1600/DUJARDIN_Karel_St_Paul_Healing_the_Cripple_at_Lystra.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lRTOpzpHoOs/VUfh5-RKpYI/AAAAAAAAEHk/UwmpljivAvo/s320/DUJARDIN_Karel_St_Paul_Healing_the_Cripple_at_Lystra.jpg" width="250" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Today, I was the lector for daily Mass and I read something that really made me think and reflect. Today's scripture was about when Paul and Barnabas fled Iconium because they were almost stoned; they healed a man in Lystra; were lauded as gods and then they turned down the honor. (Acts 14: 5-18)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
What stopped them from accepting the crowd's willingness to treat them as gods? Did they just stop and remember that they weren't supposed to, because of the ten commandments? Did they berate themselves for pride and find that turning down the honor was a difficult temptation?</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
No. They "tore their garments." I believe Paul and Barnabas loved Jesus very much. I believe they loved Him so much that to even consider accepting any credit for His glorious actions pained them deeply. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I thought about so many modern "teachers" or "gurus" who teach people to love themselves above all else, some of which may not encourage but do allow people to worship them as "enlightened ones," like gods. What if Paul and Barnabas had reduced themselves to that level?</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
They could have. Why didn't they? Paul and Barnabas lived devoted to our Creator, the "living God." It was the love for Him that fueled their passion. To accept any credit was unthinkable. Their joy was to spread the message of God's ever-living, ever-loving power, everlasting power- A love so great that our Creator took on flesh and then sacrificed that flesh for us. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
What if Jesus had not risen? Would He even have been remembered as a teacher and prophet? Or would he have been remembered as a failure, a weakling and a fraud? </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
A great truth emerges from the Resurrection- The strong and firm foundation on the living God is the only true enlightenment, the only firm rock we can trust, the only freedom and power worth giving our lives for. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
To consider any credit for anything our Creator gives us is pure blasphemy. I have nothing and am nothing unless my Creator allows me to have it. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
By spending time with God- in prayer, in service, in the sacraments, or in any act of worship, we come to love Jesus more and more. We come to love Him so much that receiving credit for anything becomes absolutely unthinkable.</div>
<br />
<b>Daily Readings:</b><br />
<a href="http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/050415.cfm">http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/050415.cfm</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-8522106069310905602015-04-20T00:09:00.000-07:002015-04-20T13:29:05.150-07:00Look at Original Sin With New Eyes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XJH7r-TuTmI/VTSfwfk5gMI/AAAAAAAAEHA/uZYQIs8KWy4/s1600/neweyes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XJH7r-TuTmI/VTSfwfk5gMI/AAAAAAAAEHA/uZYQIs8KWy4/s1600/neweyes.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Nobody likes the idea of original sin.</b> </span>The people of today's world like to choose which beliefs suit them and "original sin" certainly does not suit them. If I were shopping for beliefs, I'm sure I wouldn't buy that one. Who would?</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">"Original sin" may be the two most important words you will ever hear. </span></b>And, as strangely paradoxical as this may sound, if you hear them, while listening with an open mind, you will understand something beautiful. You will understand how much God loves you. You will understand how to be joyful and at peace. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">But, if you close your ears to hearing these two words, and close your mind to taking in their meaning, any experience you may have of spiritual freedom will be counterfeit. </span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">Once upon a time, in a galaxy (thankfully) now far, far away in my mind, I was told a little story. It went something like this:</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
A baby is born in perfection, radiating perfect love. But, later the people and culture surrounding the child convince him that he is imperfect. They are all lying to him! How the people appeared before him who were imperfect and able to spread the imperfection came to be is a mystery, but that's what happened.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Because, you see, Adam and Eve never really left the Garden of Eden. We're still in there. The problem is that we can't see the truth that is around us. We believe we are walking around in a broken world, but this is nothing but a "bad dream" based on lies about our imperfection. That is what the knowledge of "good and evil" was- The lie that there really is good and evil. There really was no original sin, but only an original judgment, which began when Eve and Adam ate the forbidden fruit and gained that "knowledge."</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If we can extricate ourselves from judging ourselves, life's situations and others, we can return to the innocence of realizing we are perfect and our world is perfect. As a result, the Garden of Eden, Heaven on Earth, will appear to us. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sound extreme? Although it is the norm in our culture to shun judgment of others, some take it to its natural extreme conclusion and it becomes a "spiritual path." It's not just a philosophy, but a dedicated lifestyle. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="color: #999999; font-size: x-large;">What do I see happening here? Fifty shades of profound loss.</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The story you have just read is perfectly plausible if you deny original sin. As I pointed out, who wouldn't want to deny it? It's not an enjoyable idea, and it's certainly not an "empowering" one. But, let me explain to you the outcome of not believing in original sin, and perhaps you will see how harmful the denial of original sin can be.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I spent over six years trying to create Heaven on Earth by training myself not to judge anything. And the condition of my soul, by the time I found out the real truth, was dead.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">What is lost when original sin is denied?</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">God can't get through to us. He can't strengthen what isn't weak, heal what isn't sick, fix what isn't broken. </span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Of course, the point of being born perfect is that you are also born all powerful and can accomplish all that strengthening, healing and fixing just by denying, denying, denying original sin. If you deny it well enough, you will feel happy, like the dear little carefree child you once were. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Yes, it would be great if it worked this way. The problem is that it doesn't. Just like children who aren't able to feed and clothe themselves from the moment they are born, we always need to depend on what is beyond ourselves. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>We are created for God and we weren't meant to live and operate without our connection with Him</b>.</span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If we deny that there is any God beyond ourselves; believe that we are that God; or that someone else is a god; that all of us are one god together; that we don't need God because we can tap into some place called the "source," or any other variant of this denial, we're missing exactly the same boat.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">With an understanding of original sin comes the understanding that we are not in Eden any longer.</span></b> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Our first ancestors disobeyed God and as a consequence, that door to Eden was shut. We were born outside Eden as a consequence of what they did. The world outside of Eden is a broken one. And suffering and evil are randomly unleashed on the earth in ways that are not just or fair. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: large;">God loves us too much to leave us like that, abandoned, outside of the world He intended for us. </span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Disobedience is what caused our first parents to sin, and they disobeyed based on the pride that they wanted to <b>be</b> gods and not <b>need</b> God. When we return to Him and admit we need His help, His guidance, His mercy and His love, the doors are open once again to paradise. When we return with humility and with obedience (the opposite traits to the ones our original parents had), we are able to repent and break free. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
One reason original sin is a hard idea to take in is that it makes us feel "originally puny" when we think about it. Nobody wants to feel puny, or bad just for being born. <b><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;">However, I don't mind feeling puny anymore, because now I can accept the love and mercy of the omnipotent Creator of the universe who cares about each soul as if it is His only one. </span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">I'm talking about restoring natural connections that were broken </span></b>when I talk about original sin. We are floundering in an unnatural state when we resist the idea of original sin, which negates the possibility of an antidote. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">If we don't accept the illness, we can't receive the medicine. </span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #999999;">And our souls die. </span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-66623427617590392522015-03-29T20:32:00.000-07:002015-03-29T20:40:13.987-07:00Tiny Star<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MIKplaG8b48/VRjDUAcnPzI/AAAAAAAAEFo/zDoBwH9rj30/s1600/tinystar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MIKplaG8b48/VRjDUAcnPzI/AAAAAAAAEFo/zDoBwH9rj30/s1600/tinystar.jpg" /></a></div>
Let me be your little nothing,<br />
whom you love with all your heart.<br />
Let me be your glory's mirror;<br />
may my pride receive no part.<br />
<br />
Let me be your emptiness,<br />
to give you room to live.<br />
Let me offer up your majesty;<br />
I have no more to give.<br />
<br />
Let me be your tiny star,<br />
obscured by clouds and night.<br />
Only you shall see me there<br />
and keep my flame alight.<br />
<br />
-Laura Marie Hall Paxton<br />
03/29/2015Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-91220035741545858762015-03-12T01:04:00.000-07:002015-03-12T16:37:10.514-07:00Only A Soul<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zol5gdqovI4/VQFHxyYPssI/AAAAAAAAEFE/CYmXinH8_XY/s1600/death%2Bof%2Ba%2Bsoul2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zol5gdqovI4/VQFHxyYPssI/AAAAAAAAEFE/CYmXinH8_XY/s1600/death%2Bof%2Ba%2Bsoul2.jpg" height="320" width="305" /></a>I gave you my soul</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
for eternity.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You accepted </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
that forever bond.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You are a vampire</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
you told me that night;</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
and we are the antichrist</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
you told her that day.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Each Easter, we ate and drank</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
communion offered
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
to ourselves, as the gods.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Find God in you</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
in the mirror, you said,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
hours, days, months and years</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
believing and hoping</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'd find her there,
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
But, all I could see
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
were my vacuous eyes.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The eyes you photographed,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
saying they looked up to see</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
you, infinity itself. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I gave you my trust,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
loyalty, devotion</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
and faith</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So, if you happened</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
to notice this girl</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
dying slowly,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Don't worry.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It's only a soul.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Only a soul,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
sacrificed for you</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
for your comfort,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
for your wealth,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
for your pleasure.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Am I being selfish,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
you asked me that night.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You are enlightened
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
and can't be, of course.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
One day, you released me,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
but kept that bond.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
And it weighed me down</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
like a ball and chain.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'm not a victim</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Victimhood is not allowed.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
But for every dollar you make,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
For each admiring face, </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
for every blissful,
tearful eye,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Remember,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Don't worry,</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It's only a soul.<br />
<br />
-Laura Marie Hall Paxton,<br />
03/12/15</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-14483649382535595982015-03-05T10:48:00.000-08:002015-03-05T12:51:47.906-08:00Network Breakdown<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yZeEwaqB0cc/VPikqQnc11I/AAAAAAAAEEU/d3KbsQ4CRJk/s1600/synapse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yZeEwaqB0cc/VPikqQnc11I/AAAAAAAAEEU/d3KbsQ4CRJk/s1600/synapse.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The wires aren't connected</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">the signals won't move.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">And he sits there, many worlds away.<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"><br />His voice is there, so sweet, so dear..<br />but he and I aren't connecting here.</span></span></div>
<div class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Since not with him,</span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">not with anyone.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">They all are all so far away.</span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Just need a connection..</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">a connection.. connection.. please..</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">any.. I reach... hand is slapped or pushed back.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Too much trying.. wrong way trying..</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Afraid. Hide inside. </span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Do they wish I would disappear?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">They all turn back in scorn,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">ones I love, ones I admire,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">even the ones who used to look me in the eye and</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">just talk about the weather..</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">They talk about snow while I talk about rain. </span></div>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">
</span>
</span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">My reflections in the mirror blur.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">My echoes come back in someone else's voice.</span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">One by one, the synapses break,</span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">in his mind,</span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">in our minds</span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">I will never meet the Dad I knew</span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">again in this life.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">
</span></span>
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">It's not you.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">It's not me.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">It's everywhere I go.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">It's everywhere I turn.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">It's everyone I meet</span></span><br />
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black;">and everyone I know</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="background-color: black;">No matter how much I've known them</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">they all go further away-</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">friend, acquaintance, confidant,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">all the synapses break</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">between us all</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">shatter and snap</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">just as his break.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="background-color: black;">Am I losing them all?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">All at once?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="background-color: black;">He matters, so much,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">They matter, so much</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">but</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">I don't matter.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">I don't matter.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="background-color: black;">Because</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">I can't connect, connect, connect..</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">Just like he can't, he can't, he can't.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="background-color: black;">The whole world has become him</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">and I have become him.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="background-color: black;">Weakness is a crime</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">So, just like him,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">take the key and</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">leave me in this cell,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">in my shell</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">where the lonely wind cries</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;">and my heart dies again and again and again.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
<span style="background-color: black;">-Laura Marie Hall Paxton, 03/05/15</span></div>
</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-88801054365815790002015-02-28T13:12:00.001-08:002015-03-03T22:59:31.887-08:00A Real Mother and a Rare Child #RareDiseaseDay2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oVCOjINsJX0/VPIt7JoSxEI/AAAAAAAAED8/BuWV0RBB9KM/s1600/prissy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oVCOjINsJX0/VPIt7JoSxEI/AAAAAAAAED8/BuWV0RBB9KM/s1600/prissy.jpg" height="320" width="208" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I can't know what it's like to watch my baby in the hospital, constantly subjected to painful tests, surgeries and procedures, to not be able to hold him, to not be able to heal him, save him, comfort him or do anything at all to make it better.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I can't know what it's like, for over a year, to not know what's wrong and how to help, despite the tests, despite the experts, despite the fights, despite the prayers and despite the tears.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I can't know what it's like to dedicate my life to fighting day and night for a way to heal my precious baby- to argue with doctors, to demand a fair chance for diagnosis, to seek to the ends of the earth for someone who can save my precious son. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I can't know what it's like to have a tiny little girl who also wants her mommy's attention, and to give her every ounce of my time that I can and always feel it isn't enough.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I can't know what it's like to have a nearly paralyzed baby on life support who could stop breathing at any time, to deal with that daily fear and pray constantly to our Lord for his help, for strength to make it through and to have the faith to believe in what feels like the impossible. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I can't know what it's like to have nurses and caregivers getting sick or cancelling their work shift, leaving me to abandon my plans for the entire day to watch my little child to make sure he doesn't stop breathing, while watching my little girl at the same time and being the best wife to my husband I can be. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But I can admire her. And I can support her. And I can hold her up as an example of what it means to love, to sacrifice, to devote my life to faith and courage. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Priscilla Zahner Rosenlund, I love you. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And that is one of a million reasons why I support #RareDiseaseDay2015.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And I ask for more research, more funding for research, more public attention and more prayers for the one in ten people with rare disease, such as Baby Truett and for mothers like my cousin Priscilla, with nowhere to turn. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-68861263031101582942015-02-22T19:59:00.001-08:002015-02-25T13:38:08.416-08:00Falling for God<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6woI33y9kA0/VOqknlBavuI/AAAAAAAAEDA/8Qr9OfyFH_k/s1600/fallingdown.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6woI33y9kA0/VOqknlBavuI/AAAAAAAAEDA/8Qr9OfyFH_k/s1600/fallingdown.jpg" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
We are born to die and dying is the most important thing we can do, to prepare for leaving this world. I want to do that well. Can I feel pain and suffer and still love and forgive? Can I look for every opportunity I can to show God how much I love Him? Can I make my life a gift to God that culminates in the final sacrifice of my life?</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Blessed Titus contemplated these things from prison as he waited to be killed. He had been tortured ("experimented on") in Dachau, day after day for many weeks. The entire time, he prayed for his torturers and cried out, "Thy will not mine be done!" </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
While in prison, he wrote, "(Christ), in your weakness, you conquered the world. Let me be weak with you and bow deep under the weight of life. Be insignificant and small in the eye of the world and stand up again with you for new suffering until my death will be the crowning of my offer. Amen." </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Blessed Titus lived and died this prayer. </b></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The world we live in does not teach us these things. The world we live in teaches us that "Heaven on Earth" means an abundance of wealth and pleasure, and that we can be empowered, full of great self-esteem. Some take it to the extreme and see themselves as gods and goddesses. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Yet, it is pride that separated us from God in the beginning- The pride that we knew better than God whether or not to eat the fruit of the Garden. And it is only through humility that we may return to Eden. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Jesus fell for me. </b></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>May I also fall for Him, and when I fall, let it be all for His glory.</b></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Let me fall to the ground and never get up, but let only Jesus rise in me.</b></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Blessed Titus Brandsma, pray for us.</b></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Amen.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>Edit: As of 02/25/15, this blog has been significantly edited. </b><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">There were a couple of theological errors in it that are now corrected.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> So, some sections have been omitted in order to make a clearer point. Thanks for your patience!</span></div>
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-60976198691053556602015-02-01T14:40:00.000-08:002015-02-02T11:57:00.180-08:00An Invitation to Eternal Friendship<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-a0jGzcehCdQ/VM6hq_fSd0I/AAAAAAAAEBw/mYZj_kt0r2w/s1600/adam-and-eve-cast-out-of-paradise-after-eating-from-the-tree-of-knowledge-in-the-garden-of-eden.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-a0jGzcehCdQ/VM6hq_fSd0I/AAAAAAAAEBw/mYZj_kt0r2w/s1600/adam-and-eve-cast-out-of-paradise-after-eating-from-the-tree-of-knowledge-in-the-garden-of-eden.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
My former formation director asked why
I haven't blogged in a while, and she suggested that my writing about
the humanity of Christ may be a good idea. I had shared with her
something my spiritual director taught me last week and she said it
had revolutionized her thinking and deepened her experience of the
Eucharist. So, she wanted me to let more people know.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
I will be happy to share it, although it is not my idea, but my understanding of his lesson. Jesus
Christ is more human than we are. He is not less human, but more
human. Humanity doesn't equal sinfulness because humanity was never
intended to be sinful. As humans, we were created perfect and our fall
from grace actually made us less human, a warped distortion of what
it means to be human instead.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
Jesus came to restore humanity to our
original perfection and goodness, as a “second Adam,” and to
offer humanity a second chance. Jesus is 100% human, which is
100% good, and He is also 100% God.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
So, what does this mean to us? I
imagine it means something different to each one of us personally.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
For me, it means the opposite of what I
was taught in my "new age" spiritual path before. I believed that we lost Eden
because of our desire for knowledge of good and evil, which had to do
with judgments. If we could stop judging, we could return to Eden, where we could reign as gods.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
Well, good luck with that, since even
if we did not judge we would still live as a human who is less
perfect than were designed to be. We would just convince ourselves we
were perfect anyway, and lose the opportunity to know the real return
to our natural and perfect human state.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
That solution does not re-unite us to
God our Creator. It only blinds our vision from the truth of our
alienation from that God. Judgment is not the enemy. Alienation from
our loving Creator is the enemy and judgment did not create that.
Pride did. We wanted the knowledge of good and evil so we could “be
as gods,” after all.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
And this explains why I am creating the
app I am developing. I want to bring us closer to our loving Creator
through Christ, the new and perfect man. I want people to relate to
Him as a human man, as well as to God, because this is the reason He
was born and died for us.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
In Father's homily this morning, he
talked about what Christianity has that secular “spirituality”
lacks. We have a real relationship with the Trinity, the Trinity that
original sin wrenched us away from. My new app has over 500 quotes by
Jesus Christ himself, from Sacred Scripture. It also includes over a
thousand quotes by four Carmelite saints and four blesseds.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
What's the point of using quotes from
our saints and blesseds, and not just the words of Jesus Himself?
Their life was dedicated to helping bring people into a deeper
relationship with Christ. So, I want to do that for us, too. I want
their words to help us form friendships with these masterful guides,
so we can come to know our true Love and Master, Jesus Christ.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
I want everyone to know the profound
and permanent intimacy, healing, love and joy this friendship offers.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
So, in my usual peculiar style, I have been developing a
“communication gadget,” a “telephone” of sorts, to help us form a deeper connection with Him.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
“If anyone comes to me, I want to
lead them to Him.” -St. Teresa Benedicta (Edith Stein)</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-10783617338221619732015-01-10T01:50:00.000-08:002015-01-10T19:19:59.874-08:00Longing to be StillJesus, through this frantic world, could you just hold me still?<br />
<br />
I don't want to be happy.<br />
I do not want comfort,<br />
for these things pass.<br />
<br />
O How I long to be still, still, still with you.<br />
<br />
I've had enough,<br />
and nothing else will satisfy.<br />
and there is nothing I won't do<br />
to be still with you.<br />
<br />
Let the world keep spinning,<br />
Let it spin until I'm sick,<br />
but Jesus, hold me still.<br />
<br />
I want to be unmoving<br />
when life moves lightning fast,<br />
blowing me apart,<br />
and leaving torment in its wake.<br />
<br />
There is not much I can count on here.<br />
People lie and use each other.<br />
People die and people leave and<br />
my world spins upside-down.<br />
<br />
Just freeze me in your constant stop.<br />
Still my thoughts, Still my heart, Still my being.<br />
Still my all.<br />
<br />
Your stillness,<br />
dear sweet stillness,<br />
doesn't have to feel good.<br />
Only make your stillness last.<br />
<br />
and Jesus,<br />
Bind me to your cross forever,<br />
for that is where the greatest peace is.<br />
<br />
-Laura Marie Hall Paxton,<br />
01/10/15Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-48400322016480630122014-12-21T14:41:00.003-08:002014-12-21T15:34:22.588-08:00Advent: Preparation for His Power<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2OYutPasADo/VJdLA2pA_tI/AAAAAAAAD4o/OjzU3lXRdQQ/s1600/strength.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2OYutPasADo/VJdLA2pA_tI/AAAAAAAAD4o/OjzU3lXRdQQ/s1600/strength.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;">Christmas teaches us about the strength and might in gentleness, mercy and innocence.</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b>In preparation, Advent can teach us to cleanse ourselves of attraction to false power, so that we might become receptive to the true power of Christ in our lives.</b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Jesus Christ has brought the world an unexpected (and before unheard of) type of power. Before his arrival, many of the Jewish people were expecting a ruler of military strength, such as David. Much of our world believes power lies in physical strength, the ability to influence, or even to bully and hurt others, physically and emotionally. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The attraction to power goes far beyond the obvious example above. Humans forget what's most important. We can become consumed with trying to prove our worth to others and to the world, so we may seem "powerful" in their eyes through our "specialness" or "greatness." </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
When we are over-focused on creating the "perfect" Christmas celebration for our families, or on producing the perfect work of art or project at work, we are often led away from our primary goal of living here on earth, which is to love and serve God. We are not called to impress Him or anyone else.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;">Love and service don't have to be fancy or special, just real, honest, sincere and from our heart.</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Just through the "mere" act of being born, Jesus demonstrated for us how to live all eight beatitudes. When the Creator of the universe came to us as a tiny baby, He taught us all we need to know about how to love.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
When we look at a painting or icon of the Blessed Virgin Mary holding Jesus, the baby, who is really the focus? Mary is larger and Jesus is smaller, but does that mean Mary is more important? </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
No, for Jesus taught us that we are to come to Him as a little child. Jesus never asks us to do anything He did not do first. Jesus comes to us in a tiny, vulnerable human form, held lovingly by his mother, who serves Him with her care. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It is in the image of Madonna and Child that we see true majesty and might of Christ. Within that tiny baby is contained all the strength and power in the universe. He doesn't want to force us to love Him, but beckons us through the sheer power of His love to open our hearts and souls to Him. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Jesus came to us in a dirty stable, a place we where we would probably be ashamed for anyone to visit us. Jesus still wants to meet us there, in those dirty, shameful, hidden places of our souls. And he meets us there with the purest, humblest and most precious love there is. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
During advent, as we prepare for Christmas, let us prepare our hearts and souls to receive the strength of the peace of Christ. Let that purification time center around letting go of false ideas of what makes us and others strong. <b><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;">Let us give ourselves to Him with greater humility, purity and simplicity, as He first gave himself to us. </span></b></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
"O Blessed Jesus,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Give me stillness of soul in you.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Let your mighty calmness reign in me.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Rule me, O King of Gentleness,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
King of Peace."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
-St. John of the Cross</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-63871795365909962682014-12-12T18:05:00.001-08:002014-12-12T18:06:56.419-08:00Why I Cope with Life Better Today<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-c9wBhT8Veh4/VIueYytqZPI/AAAAAAAAD1g/fIOgpcYDUMM/s1600/lion_lamb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-c9wBhT8Veh4/VIueYytqZPI/AAAAAAAAD1g/fIOgpcYDUMM/s1600/lion_lamb.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I do not know how I would cope with my life if I were not Catholic. I can easily tell you that I would not cope well. Years of living beforehand would bear that out. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b>Here are some differences in how I get through tough times today vs. during my "heretical" years. </b></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<b>(1) My emotions do not control my decisions as much.</b><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Free will has to do with making decisions without being driven by emotions. I am making more solid, logical and clear choices now than I ever have before. During my "heretical years," I believed that free will had to do with extricating myself from the oppression of moral obligations in order to be free to follow my feelings. How did that work out for me? Hmm.. I'm writing this... so...</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<b>(2) I take care to have selfless motives. </b><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
When I pursue being of the greatest service to God above the motives for comfort, public opinion or material things, each decision I make has meaning. When I work to make my life a gift to God rather than a gift to myself, I do not have time to immerse myself in self-pity or resentment.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Good feelings and material things will all pass away. Peace in my heart, mind and soul will never be possible if I waste any time trying to chase any other goal than to serve God. </div>
<br />
<b>(3) Suffering can help me.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
A central focus of our faith is how suffering in life can help us. No moment of suffering need ever be wasted. We would all agree that an athlete preparing for competition puts herself through a lot of pain and personal sacrifice towards achieving her goal. A person preparing himself for holiness, in order to prepare for the life beyond, will need to make similar sacrifices and endure pain as a part of developing character. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
When I suffer, I can lift that suffering up to God as a sacrifice for the good of another. I can also use that suffering as an opportunity to surrender my human will to God's will, as Jesus did. I can experience a bond between me and Jesus as I willingly embrace suffering. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The Catholic practice of penance is also a way to use suffering as an advantage. The evil one believes he can control us with the fear of suffering and death. When we willingly choose suffering, we baffle him. That is why the Passion and Cross of our Lord is the most powerful antidote to evil. </div>
<br />
<b>(4) Comfort? Why?</b><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Many people turn to religion as a comfort when life is painful and challenging, but if I use prayer primarily to make myself feel better, I am using God and not serving God. God's purpose is not to help us feel good, but to BE good- the salt and light of the earth. Although often prayer can be comforting, I do not have to be a slave to comfort when I choose to follow God. Peace is far better than comfort. </div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7nls9uI0voo/VIudzdCOLwI/AAAAAAAAD1U/7OMjfMm7L20/s1600/Peace-Of-God-Demo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7nls9uI0voo/VIudzdCOLwI/AAAAAAAAD1U/7OMjfMm7L20/s1600/Peace-Of-God-Demo.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<b><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-64137141474680501592014-11-15T16:36:00.001-08:002014-11-15T20:21:42.068-08:00God- Why We Need To Talk<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-84g67SMsLts/VGfxVSbLCDI/AAAAAAAADXo/WZs38S5dB6I/s1600/Starnes-Prayer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-84g67SMsLts/VGfxVSbLCDI/AAAAAAAADXo/WZs38S5dB6I/s1600/Starnes-Prayer.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<b>I was at a retreat last year where our
retreat master said to us, “You will never make time for prayer
until you realize prayer is the most important thing you can do.”</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
There are many days when I think the
most important thing I can do is earning a living, or to have fun
playing a computer game or to organize my closet, and yes, there are
times when these are important things for us to do. But, prayer
actually is the most important thing we can do every day.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<b>Why is prayer the most important thing
we can do? </b>Well, for one thing, we are utterly dependent on God for
everything, from the air we breathe to whether our hearts beat or
not.<br />
<br />
Prayer acknowledges that we are unable to do anything at all,
much less anything important, without God.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<b>And why is that helpful to know?</b>
Because God does listen. He does answer our prayers and he is capable
of doing anything. Nothing is impossible for God.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<b>My relationship to prayer has changed.</b>
For six years, I prayed selfish prayers. I prayed for my continual
happiness, good fortune, fame and success in every endeavor to
impress others. I learned to cultivate “feel good” during prayer
time, by focusing on the vague idea of what love “feels” like.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
I was surprised to learn later that
love is not a feeling. I was also surprised to learn that in
relationship with God, as in any relationship, it isn't very loving
to “use” our friends. Sometimes in life, it can seem that God is supposed to be our “prosperity dispenser,” but that is not His function in our
lives.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<b>As my relationship to prayer has changed, my relationship to God has changed.</b> It's been significant for me to begin
to know the person, Jesus. Jesus is God in a relatable form. I never
used to pray to Jesus, only to the Father. But, since Jesus is my
friend now, I want to learn all about his life and about who He is.
So, my relationship with Jesus has become a more mature and healthy
one now.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<b>When I pray to God, I know God is
there.</b> I feel Him there, but that's not how I know He's there. Jesus,
like “love” is not a feeling. He's Truth itself in human form.
Truth can feel all sorts of ways or no way at all. And prayer is not always my “fun time” anymore. I often don't look forward to it.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
In addition to the Liturgy of the Hours
and daily mass, Secular Carmelites are supposed to do a minimum of
thirty minutes of silent prayer a day. And when you think about it,
since the Carmelite charism is prayer and prayer is our true vocation
in Carmel, thirty minutes is not much time. Yet, in our busy lives in
the world, everyone struggles at times to integrate even that minimum
routine. This is my third year into practicing this way of life and I
still have some really erratic times.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<b>I can tell you why. It's always pride.</b>
It's always that I forget I need him for everything there is and that
is why prayer is the most important thing I can do. Our relationship
with God is definitely that-- a relationship with a Person. Like any
relationship, we need to put the time and effort into keeping it
alive and growing.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>During good times and bad, we need to
talk. </b></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-78205623247920235132014-10-07T17:15:00.000-07:002014-10-13T10:46:03.471-07:00Fasting from Facebook: Fruits of Famine<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-c6hRdDwMdwI/VDGgD08FjSI/AAAAAAAACyE/brB2hnEMblI/s1600/facebook-fasting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-c6hRdDwMdwI/VDGgD08FjSI/AAAAAAAACyE/brB2hnEMblI/s1600/facebook-fasting.jpg" height="270" width="320" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<h3>
<b>My Facebook Fast:</b></h3>
<h3>
<b style="text-align: center;">A Conservative Catholic's Hiatus from Social Media</b></h3>
</div>
<b><br /></b>
<b>Day 1: </b>Woke up excited as usual to get on Facebook first thing to see what all my FB friends were doing. Then realized.. ICK.. I can't do that. Fingers still automatically tapped to find it on my phone and my iPad, before I realized I had wisely taken it off. Well, what else will I do? Maybe do my morning prayers first. Okay, good. But, I really, really, really want to do something, anything compulsive on my computer- web searches! That will fill the void. Why can't I stop this? Am I getting nowhere as far as developing self-control?</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Um, yeah, well it is still day one. And morning.</b></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Bookmarking articles everywhere I wish I could share but can't. That's funny. That's enlightening. That's amazing. I want to show you! show you! show you, world! Please! Why, oh why God did I decide to go on this Facebook fast? I have such great things to share with the world! And now, they'll never know.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I never realized it was so important for me to keep the world informed of current issues.</div>
<div>
<br />
<div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Day 2</b></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Isn't that cute, the way my cat woke me up this morning? And I can't tell anyone on FB. Drat! Breakfast looked beautiful too. No one will get to see a photo of my delicious meal. *Sigh!* I was going through the news, and I saw some really ugly churches and compared them to the beautiful ones of yesteryear. And some vestments too. And, I was unable to post that in my liturgical abuses group or ANY of my traditional Catholicism groups. What kind of fun is that?</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
A combat marine survived a head shot thanks to the intervention of St. Michael. What if nobody posted that? Would the world know about the miracle without my letting them know? And there is another Cardinal with an opinion that goes against what I feel Jesus intended. Where is my group where we can all vent and roll our eyes and finally just pray because we resign ourselves to bemoan how it's not our job to judge that?</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4CQYwne7DTY/VDGh7e9mD1I/AAAAAAAACyY/zjrgY_mwPFc/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2014-10-05%2Bat%2B12.52.49%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4CQYwne7DTY/VDGh7e9mD1I/AAAAAAAACyY/zjrgY_mwPFc/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2014-10-05%2Bat%2B12.52.49%2BPM.png" height="118" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sad and grumpy. Hating it. I'm still finding other compulsive things to do online, like obsessive online searches, which I am feeling powerless to stop. Somehow, I miss the compulsivity outlet served by FB. Took two online quizzes at Psych Central which confirmed, I am a "high intensity user" and "very likely a FB addict." Realized I am a "high intensity everything," and providentially found another intense, yet not addictive thing to do. Involved moody music and dark art and poetry.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Day Three</b></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
This is like being a kid and you're grounded and not being able to talk to your "fwends." Even if they're virtual and not in person, they are still my friends and I miss them. My life was much more peaceful when I stuck to sane limits. I want that back. But, I let that commitment slip and so I honestly felt the only way to get it back under control was to do this "fast."</div>
<div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I made a list of all the many reasons why spending too much time on Facebook is bad for me, to remind myself I am doing the right thing. Mainly, Facebook was standing in the way of my serenity and connection with God, because all that constant stimulation interrupted my contemplation and sometimes took precedence over my prayer time. </div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Day Four</b></div>
<br />
Still won't say I'm loving this, but I'm appreciating it more. What I appreciate most is that after today, most of the week will be over. But, in addition to that, my internal life has more of a "flow" to it. I am calmer and more at peace. My reflections seem to be deepening.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Today is the Feast of the Guardian Angels. Normally, I would be creating a new Facebook cover with angels on it and trying to find controversial discussions about angels, so I could make sure everyone knows that although it is not forbidden to name your guardian angel, it is also not encouraged, according to Vatican documents.</div>
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-v8pXeAd9Xf8/VDGtVejf9BI/AAAAAAAACzE/qXuWnIc48T4/s1600/lordfights.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-v8pXeAd9Xf8/VDGtVejf9BI/AAAAAAAACzE/qXuWnIc48T4/s1600/lordfights.jpg" height="200" width="123" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I'm thinking about how much time I spend on Facebook "setting people straight" and being the public authority on all things righteous, good and holy. Goodness, it must be good to be queen... so much so, that it is very good to abdicate the throne. Instead of trying to do great and mighty things in the world through posting about important issues, my inner experience of contemplative life is soaring.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
As a result of contemplating today's prayers, mass and readings, I'm feeling closer to my guardian angel than ever before. I've worked out some issues that have been bothering me in prayer. I've been way more creative, because I'm not distracted by things like laughing at animal videos and wanting to see how many people liked my post about ending the satanic mass... AND I'm closer to the end of the tunnel of this long, long week.<br />
<br />
Maybe my guardian angel will help me with my Facebook problem.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Day Five</b></div>
<b><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9ri0JNTfpYg/VDGs85FPKsI/AAAAAAAACy8/m_BcdmGs6bE/s1600/The%2Bworld%2Bis%2Bchanged%2Bby%2Byour%2Bexample%2Bnot%2Bby%2Byour%2Bopinion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9ri0JNTfpYg/VDGs85FPKsI/AAAAAAAACy8/m_BcdmGs6bE/s1600/The%2Bworld%2Bis%2Bchanged%2Bby%2Byour%2Bexample%2Bnot%2Bby%2Byour%2Bopinion.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
There's just something exciting about rooting out the horrible things in the world, whether they be abortion or satanism, ISIS or poor grammar. There is a sense of strength, as though through a simple click on my computer, I can somehow sway and influence the world. It feels powerful. It feels purposive and meaningful. I'm sure it is, when many of us work together on social media to promote a just solution to these problems.<br />
<br />
But, so much of this is just a distraction for me from going within, and I can do a LOT more good in the world by going within to be with God and let Him work on me and develop me into a better servant. Praying is far more productive than "clicking" on Facebook. Indescribably more productive, in fact, since only God can affect change.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I'm starting to get the feeling that when I go back on Facebook, it will not be the same. After seeing the themes I have seen in myself in these few days, I no longer think being on Facebook for large periods of my time is a very useful way to spend my time. Maybe it won't even matter when the "Magic Monday" of October 6 comes for me.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Day Six</b></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Today, I've read through a few news stories, all of which upset me. An author wants to know why the Duchess of Cambridge has been "forced" to go through another pregnancy so soon. As if giving birth to new life is a cruel sentence imposed on us through society. And this is printed in The Guardian. As I read through the comments, I see that what is appallingly obvious to me isn't even considered by anyone. They are all debating whether she is "forced" or not, as if she had been raped or artificially inseminated against her will, as if it was cruel to Kate Middleton for her to give birth to human life when it might be inconvenient to her.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aRK4H6oGvsY/VDGkrzV4TQI/AAAAAAAACyk/zNaEepTdLHc/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2014-10-05%2Bat%2B1.05.26%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aRK4H6oGvsY/VDGkrzV4TQI/AAAAAAAACyk/zNaEepTdLHc/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2014-10-05%2Bat%2B1.05.26%2BPM.png" height="66" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
An article also attacked Jessa Duggar for the "incredibly insensitive" comment of comparing abortion to the Holocaust. Almost everyone who is pro-life agrees. The sanctity of human life is ignored in both situations. And yet, of course, Jessa is being shamed. I did send Jessa a tweet to say, "You go, girl," but that wasn't Facebook, so I enjoyed the moment- probably a bit more than I should.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Also, another person, Peter Kassig, is slated to be killed by ISIS, and yet a transgender teen is being "victimized" because he cannot shower in a locker room with young teenage girls. Yes, my blood pressure is rising. But, if anything is predictable about society, it's that society isn't going to go my way. And God is still on His throne. And we know how all this ends.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So, deep breath. This is good. It's easier to pull away and not stay on the topic half an hour, debating until my stress level rises to the moon.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But, my opinions are not likely to become popular, regardless. I need to face this.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Get over it, Laura. Blog, post, let people hate you. It's not your job to change their minds. Go on with your life and do other things. Get off the stupid web. Live.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Day Seven</b></div>
<b><br /></b>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b>Even though I'm going back to Facebook in the morning, I am not the same person who was on there last week. I think I will be less prone to get back into compulsive-mode again. Well.. I can't promise any of those things.. We'll see how I do!</b></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
You know, in the old days, when we wanted to talk about something, we talked about something. To people. With our voices. Sometimes, we looked at them with our eyes and reached out to them with our hands, too.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Making "social media" our main social outlet can lead us to forget what "social" is even supposed to mean. Granted, for those of us with social challenges and anxiety, having a low-stress social outlet is a great blessing, but whenever possible, we should not forget to challenge ourselves in ways that can move us beyond that. Why not call our friends more?</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am Laura Paxton and I am a contemplative, an author, publisher and app developer. Although it is important to stand up for important causes, the less time I spend stressed out and fixated on them, the better. I have better things to do in the world.</div>
<br />
<b>But Monday still can't get here fast enough!</b><br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-47720042224227023882014-10-05T14:04:00.000-07:002014-10-13T10:47:52.771-07:00Fasting from Facebook: Fruits of Famine<div style="text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-c6hRdDwMdwI/VDGgD08FjSI/AAAAAAAACyE/brB2hnEMblI/s1600/facebook-fasting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-c6hRdDwMdwI/VDGgD08FjSI/AAAAAAAACyE/brB2hnEMblI/s1600/facebook-fasting.jpg" height="270" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>My Facebook Fast:</b></h3>
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<b>A Conservative Catholic's Hiatus from Social Media</b></h3>
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<b><br /></b><b>Day 1: </b>Woke up excited as usual to get on Facebook first thing to see what all my FB friends were doing. Then realized.. ICK.. I can't do that. Fingers still automatically tapped to find it on my phone and my iPad, before I realized I had wisely taken it off. Well, what else will I do? Maybe do my morning prayers first. Okay, good. But, I really, really, really want to do something, anything compulsive on my computer- web searches! That will fill the void. Why can't I stop this? Am I getting nowhere as far as developing self-control?</div>
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<b>Um, yeah, well it is still day one. And morning.</b></div>
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Bookmarking articles everywhere I wish I could share but can't. That's funny. That's enlightening. That's amazing. I want to show you! show you! show you, world! Please! Why, oh why God did I decide to go on this Facebook fast? I have such great things to share with the world! And now, they'll never know.</div>
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I never realized it was so important for me to keep the world informed of current issues.</div>
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<b>Day 2</b></div>
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Isn't that cute, the way my cat woke me up this morning? And I can't tell anyone on FB. Drat! Breakfast looked beautiful too. No one will get to see a photo of my delicious meal. *Sigh!* I was going through the news, and I saw some really ugly churches and compared them to the beautiful ones of yesteryear. And some vestments too. And, I was unable to post that in my liturgical abuses group or ANY of my traditional Catholicism groups. What kind of fun is that?</div>
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A combat marine survived a head shot thanks to the intervention of St. Michael. What if nobody posted that? Would the world know about the miracle without my letting them know? And there is another Cardinal with an opinion that goes against what I feel Jesus intended. Where is my group where we can all vent and roll our eyes and finally just pray because we resign ourselves to bemoan how it's not our job to judge that?</div>
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Sad and grumpy. Hating it. I'm still finding other compulsive things to do online, like obsessive online searches, which I am feeling powerless to stop. Somehow, I miss the compulsivity outlet served by FB. Took two online quizzes at Psych Central which confirmed, I am a "high intensity user" and "very likely a FB addict." Realized I am a "high intensity everything," and providentially found another intense, yet not addictive thing to do. Involved moody music and dark art and poetry.</div>
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<b>Day Three</b></div>
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This is like being a kid and you're grounded and not being able to talk to your "fwends." Even if they're virtual and not in person, they are still my friends and I miss them. My life was much more peaceful when I stuck to sane limits. I want that back. But, I let that commitment slip and so I honestly felt the only way to get it back under control was to do this "fast."</div>
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I made a list of all the many reasons why spending too much time on Facebook is bad for me, to remind myself I am doing the right thing. Mainly, Facebook was standing in the way of my serenity and connection with God, because all that constant stimulation interrupted my contemplation and sometimes took precedence over my prayer time. </div>
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<b>Day Four</b></div>
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Still won't say I'm loving this, but I'm appreciating it more. What I appreciate most is that after today, most of the week will be over. But, in addition to that, my internal life has more of a "flow" to it. I am calmer and more at peace. My reflections seem to be deepening.</div>
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Today is the Feast of the Guardian Angels. Normally, I would be creating a new Facebook cover with angels on it and trying to find controversial discussions about angels, so I could make sure everyone knows that although it is not forbidden to name your guardian angel, it is also not encouraged, according to Vatican documents.</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-v8pXeAd9Xf8/VDGtVejf9BI/AAAAAAAACzE/qXuWnIc48T4/s1600/lordfights.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-v8pXeAd9Xf8/VDGtVejf9BI/AAAAAAAACzE/qXuWnIc48T4/s1600/lordfights.jpg" height="200" width="123" /></a></div>
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I'm thinking about how much time I spend on Facebook "setting people straight" and being the public authority on all things righteous, good and holy. Goodness, it must be good to be queen... so much so, that it is very good to abdicate the throne. Instead of trying to do great and mighty things in the world through posting about important issues, my inner experience of contemplative life is soaring.</div>
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As a result of contemplating today's prayers, mass and readings, I'm feeling closer to my guardian angel than ever before. I've worked out some issues that have been bothering me in prayer. I've been way more creative, because I'm not distracted by things like laughing at animal videos and wanting to see how many people liked my post about ending the satanic mass... AND I'm closer to the end of the tunnel of this long, long week.<br />
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Maybe my guardian angel will help me with my Facebook problem.</div>
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<b>Day Five</b></div>
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There's just something exciting about rooting out the horrible things in the world, whether they be abortion or satanism, ISIS or poor grammar. There is a sense of strength, as though through a simple click on my computer, I can somehow sway and influence the world. It feels powerful. It feels purposive and meaningful. I'm sure it is, when many of us work together on social media to promote a just solution to these problems.<br />
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But, so much of this is just a distraction for me from going within, and I can do a LOT more good in the world by going within to be with God and let Him work on me and develop me into a better servant. Praying is far more productive than "clicking" on Facebook. Indescribably more productive, in fact, since only God can affect change.</div>
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I'm starting to get the feeling that when I go back on Facebook, it will not be the same. After seeing the themes I have seen in myself in these few days, I no longer think being on Facebook for large periods of my time is a very useful way to spend my time. Maybe it won't even matter when the "Magic Monday" of October 6 comes for me.</div>
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<b>Day Six</b></div>
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Today, I've read through a few news stories, all of which upset me. An author wants to know why the Duchess of Cambridge has been "forced" to go through another pregnancy so soon. As if giving birth to new life is a cruel sentence imposed on us through society. And this is printed in The Guardian. As I read through the comments, I see that what is appallingly obvious to me isn't even considered by anyone. They are all debating whether she is "forced" or not, as if she had been raped or artificially inseminated against her will, as if it was cruel to Kate Middleton for her to give birth to human life when it might be inconvenient to her.</div>
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An article also attacked Jessa Duggar for the "incredibly insensitive" comment of comparing abortion to the Holocaust. Almost everyone who is pro-life agrees. The sanctity of human life is ignored in both situations. And yet, of course, Jessa is being shamed. I did send Jessa a tweet to say, "You go, girl," but that wasn't Facebook, so I enjoyed the moment- probably a bit more than I should.</div>
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Also, another person, Peter Kassig, is slated to be killed by ISIS, and yet a transgender teen is being "victimized" because he cannot shower in a locker room with young teenage girls. Yes, my blood pressure is rising. But, if anything is predictable about society, it's that society isn't going to go my way. And God is still on His throne. And we know how all this ends.</div>
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So, deep breath. This is good. It's easier to pull away and not stay on the topic half an hour, debating until my stress level rises to the moon.</div>
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But, my opinions are not likely to become popular, regardless. I need to face this.</div>
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Get over it, Laura. Blog, post, let people hate you. It's not your job to change their minds. Go on with your life and do other things. Get off the stupid web. Live.</div>
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<b>Day Seven</b></div>
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<b>Even though I'm going back to Facebook in the morning, I am not the same person who was on there last week. I think I will be less prone to get back into compulsive-mode again. Well.. I can't promise any of those things.. We'll see how I do!</b></div>
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You know, in the old days, when we wanted to talk about something, we talked about something. To people. With our voices. Sometimes, we looked at them with our eyes and reached out to them with our hands, too.</div>
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Making "social media" our main social outlet can lead us to forget what "social" is even supposed to mean. Granted, for those of us with social challenges and anxiety, having a low-stress social outlet is a great blessing, but whenever possible, we should not forget to challenge ourselves in ways that can move us beyond that. Why not call our friends more?</div>
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I am Laura Paxton and I am a contemplative, an author, publisher and app developer. Although it is important to stand up for important causes, the less time I spend stressed out and fixated on them, the better. I have better things to do in the world.</div>
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<b>But Monday still can't get here fast enough!</b></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-90899805155392931502014-09-17T01:18:00.001-07:002014-09-18T09:22:08.146-07:001 a.m. Prayer for Forgetting<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JamGQrtaDGE/VBlCSqQmSyI/AAAAAAAACgI/GQ6qvWRwb4Y/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2014-09-13%2Bat%2B10.58.07%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JamGQrtaDGE/VBlCSqQmSyI/AAAAAAAACgI/GQ6qvWRwb4Y/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2014-09-13%2Bat%2B10.58.07%2BPM.png" height="168" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Do you remember a dream</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">that was not about you?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Did it torment or soothe you </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">or did neither one matter,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">not thinking of you?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">What did you see?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">What did you hear?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Where were you,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">or, did you wonder that?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Was it surreal </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">or so real that you froze there?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Did you try to remember</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">yourself,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">but could not?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Tell me,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">If you have been there,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">please, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">for I can't remember</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">not remembering me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I implore you,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Teach me the way.</span><br />
<br />
-Laura Marie Paxton,<br />
09/17/14, 1 a.m.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-56284695681120342242014-09-06T00:19:00.003-07:002014-09-06T20:55:36.369-07:00Help Me Serve You, Lord<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ickv518-048/VAq1CUOaKAI/AAAAAAAACdw/AVXWbWtHGU8/s1600/gods_hands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ickv518-048/VAq1CUOaKAI/AAAAAAAACdw/AVXWbWtHGU8/s1600/gods_hands.jpg" height="273" width="320" /></a></div>
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Help me serve you Lord, for I am too accustomed to serving mainly myself.</div>
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Help me serve you, Lord, with all my heart and all my mind, for I am too used to the distraction of my selfish interests.</div>
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Help me serve you, Lord, for my salvation lies only in your service. To desire and to pursue becoming a master of others, a hero or a show-off is to choose the path taken by the evil one. </div>
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Help me serve you, Lord, for only you can save us, have saved us, and will always save us. I know the path of self-glorification best and I don't have much experience with following your path. </div>
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Help me serve you, Lord, for all you've ever done is serve us, while I complain and am ungrateful, as if you owe me something.<br />
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Help me serve you Lord, for you created a beautiful world. We were selfish and ungrateful, so you took on flesh and sacrificed that flesh to show us how there is no greater love than to seek to do your will through service. I am caught up in myself and I actually ignore how you gave me your all.<br />
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Help me serve you, Lord, for you are always there to save me, but in my selfish blindness, I demand that others rescue me and do your job as Savior.<br />
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Help me serve you, Lord, because all I seem to want to do is prove my worth and importance to you and to others through the "good" and "helpful" things I do.<br />
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Help me serve you, Lord, for only you can and have made a worthy sacrifice. Don't accept my gifts when they are tainted by my pride. Please, Lord, don't let me insult you that way.<br />
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Help me serve you, Lord. I am no good at this.<br />
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Lord, have mercy.<br />
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Amen.<br />
<br />
Laura Marie Paxton<br />
09/05/14<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-88814479495940576312014-08-30T19:23:00.001-07:002014-08-30T20:16:45.846-07:00The 7 Most Mindblowingly Liberating Things I've Learned As A Catholic<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4eXO0UYPUag/VAKF7x62JZI/AAAAAAAACbo/Kb1v6Odk7B4/s1600/mind-Blowing1-600x337.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4eXO0UYPUag/VAKF7x62JZI/AAAAAAAACbo/Kb1v6Odk7B4/s1600/mind-Blowing1-600x337.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">I finally figured out what matters.</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">This is it.</span></b></div>
<span style="color: orange;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;"><b>(1) I do not need a happy ending in life.</b> </span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666;"><b>The Meaning:</b> </span>Life isn't meant to be a fairy tale. Whether or not we become rich, famous or even comfortable is completely inconsequential. We are Christians. We follow the example of Christ, who died a brutal death. The majority of saints (and people in general) also died in unpleasant ways.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;"><b>The Freedom:</b> </span>No matter how my life ends, I can die a "happy death," knowing that I am at peace with God. I will know my life has been worth living and my soul belongs to Jesus Christ forever, despite all of my human failings and any regrets.</div>
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<b><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">(2) How I feel about my life doesn't matter. </span></b><br />
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<b><span style="color: #e06666;">
The Meaning:</span></b> Whether I think my life is going well or not is completely inconsequential. How does God view it? And how can I improve my efforts to be of service to God? </div>
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Is God heartless? Does he just not care what I am going through? No. He is compassionate. But when my feelings become more important than following His will, I don't need to pay attention to them and no one who really cares about me should pay attention to them either.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;"><b>The Freedom</b>:</span> Less time wasted with pointlessly evaluating my life in terms of chemical and hormonal reactions to my environment. So, when I am able to accomplish detaching from my feelings, I have more time to actually live. And when I am able to accomplish actually living, all that time spent living is spent more at peace.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;"><b>(3) How other people feel about my life doesn't matter either.</b> </span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #e06666;"> The Meaning: </span></b>Whether people agree with what I believe and do is irrelevant because what God wants is important and not what they want. </div>
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<b><span style="color: #e06666;"> The Freedom:</span> </b>I know what God wants is what's best for me. Unless someone is there to guide me towards discovering God's will, I do not need their opinion. So, if people want to insist that I accept moral relativism or reincarnation or abortion, they are not able to influence me at all. I am secure in my convictions because I have strong roots in my desire to please Him. </div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;"><b>(4) Even if I became a god or goddess, it wouldn't matter.</b> </span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #e06666;">The Meaning:</span></b> Having "personal power," or realizing the greatness in my soul in order to "manifest" whatever "abundance" I believe I deserve is not going to contribute one iota to my happiness or well being. I once believed that detaching myself from judgment, to achieve my desires, was freedom. <b>Now, I see that the desires were the prison, not the judgment.</b></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;"><b>The Freedom:</b> </span>Who cares who I am? I belong to the infinite Creator of the universe, to all the power there is. To want what He wants is to want the perfect good. As much as I often think I am special or that I need to be special, the truth is that I don't have to be anybody, not anybody at all. Just His!</div>
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"Lord, when we ask you for honors, income, money or worldly things, do not hear us."<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
-St. Teresa of Avila</div>
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<b><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">(5) If I never have sex again, it will not matter.</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="color: #e06666;">The Meaning:</span></b> Sex is not necessary for psychological health. Saints (those who were Religious or single) lived in deep fulfillment and peace without sex. <a href="http://www.zenit.org/en/articles/study-most-priests-are-happy-appreciate-celibacy">A confidential survey of priests who have chosen celibacy showed that 90% are "very happy" with their decision.</a> Having sex may be good for relieving stress, reducing blood pressure and it may have other health benefits, but not not having sex is not a proven physical or psychological health deterrent.</div>
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<span style="color: #e06666;"><b>The Freedom:</b> </span>One less thing to focus on, feel driven by or worry about. One less empty thing to turn to as a potential "fix" for a lack of fulfillment in life. Less drama. Freedom from the hormones and intense drives and attachments of sex-based relationships. More complex and interesting aspects of myself and others to focus on. Far greater peace of mind. Me= Four years chaste. Loving it.</div>
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<b><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">(6) One thing DOES matter:</span></b><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;"><b>Absolute truth is the only truth there is.</b> </span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #e06666;">The Meaning:</span> </b>If everything is equally true, then nothing is true. Truth has no meaning then.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #e06666;">The Freedom:</span></b> I don't need to seek anymore. I have the True Faith. Yes, other religions contain some truth, but I have the full truth. I don't need to justify it, explain it, or convince anyone else. Remember, after all, I don't care how anyone else feels about it. <b>I only need to live it, with deep gratitude.</b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">(7) Never stop asking- "How Could I Do Better?" </span></b><br />
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<b><span style="color: #e06666;"> The Meaning:</span> </b>It doesn't matter what horrible challenges life throws at me- Those are not excuses to wallow in self-pity or<b> </b>to justify selfishness. Nothing but doing my best is relevant.</div>
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<b><span style="color: #e06666;">The Freedom:</span> </b>This is the annoying part, the part that often does not feel freeing. Fortunately for me, (whenever I am able to remember it), I know that it does not matter how I feel. Yet, if I do not push forward, I am doomed to slide backward. And truthfully, learning to live a Christian life is hard work. Yet, each time I free myself more from an over-attachment to a person, place or thing, it is worth it. Each moment I am not robotically controlled by my emotions and desires, I am freer.</div>
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Before my conversion, near the beginning of the RCIA program, our class discussed the goal of the Catholic Church. We were told that the goal is to help each Christian develop a more mature relationship with Jesus Christ. </div>
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So, I said, "Wow. What would that look like?" The answer, from our teacher, Marybeth, was "saints." I was a little jarred, since I'd imagined that people who just believed and did what they were told could not be very mature.. but it's not WHAT you learn as much as HOW you learn that changes you, forms and matures you. Like everything else in the Church, it is paradox. </div>
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<b><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Now that I understand what matters, I will spend the rest of my life working toward actually doing what counts. </span></b><br />
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<b><span style="color: #e06666;">Every day, it seems I see how much worse I am at doing that. But, that's just how I feel, and that... </span></b></span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">doesn't matter.</span></b></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-42720452874887651372014-08-29T11:03:00.001-07:002014-08-29T21:36:56.601-07:00ISIS is Herodias<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xWlrhKGEsOc/VADAGPuOTiI/AAAAAAAACbU/RkGsi46WGfM/s1600/stjohn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xWlrhKGEsOc/VADAGPuOTiI/AAAAAAAACbU/RkGsi46WGfM/s1600/stjohn.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">I just returned from Liturgy for the Memorial of the beheading of St. John the Baptist. I could not help thinking the whole time about James Foley and of all the poor children who have been beheaded for Isis for the "crime" of their being baptized. This parallel will probably crop up everywhere in blogs today, because it is probably so obvious, but Herodias didn't like St. John the Baptist's righte</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="color: #ffffff; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">ous opinion (true judgment). It threatened her pride, the root of ALL evil. This is exactly the same issue with ISIS. Christians believe we have the true faith, although we don't want to take away anyone's freedom to choose any faith they want. Our "opinion" (i.e. truth) is not a threat to Muslims or Pagans. But, I think deep down, they know we are right. They know we hold the Truth. And their pride cannot handle that. Isis is Herodias. Destroying a righteous person does not destroy goodness, love or justice- not at all. And that is Christ's victory from the cross. The battle is won, no matter how much ISIS wants to terrify us that they are somehow stronger. Every martyr for our faith strengthens our faith. Every tear. Every drop of blood. <a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/wearen" style="color: #ffffff; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">#WeAreN</a></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-63682661941203047232014-08-22T18:01:00.001-07:002014-08-24T13:21:46.500-07:00Hypomania. Here's How To Manage It.<b><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;">Hypomania. </span></b><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LC9hobgrDTE/U_fljNVp8BI/AAAAAAAACa0/D-0N6kl_Zoc/s1600/skull.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LC9hobgrDTE/U_fljNVp8BI/AAAAAAAACa0/D-0N6kl_Zoc/s1600/skull.jpg" /></a><br />
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What is hypomania?<br />
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<u>If you are not bipolar</u>, "hypomania" may be a normal, pleasant part of your personalty. Some people are naturally high-energy and don't need much sleep. Hypomania won't make you have problems in your life. You won't fall into depressive episodes in your life either. <b>And yes, you are very, very lucky. </b></div>
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<u>If you are bipolar</u>, hypomania is a low-grade mania. If you are Bipolar, Type II, this is the worst your mania will get. It can cause problems for you with making poor, impulsive decisions. It can "crash" into a deep depression that could be morbidly deep.<b> So, yes, you do need to manage your hypomania, because it can do a lot of damage in your life.</b></div>
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But, unless you are Bipolar, Type I, it won't grow and exacerbate to the point where it can make you psychotic or need to be hospitalized. <b>Hypomania, for Bipolar I, is a sign that you are not stable and you are in danger of attaining great heights of instability. </b>Sadly, I am a Bipolar I. Happily, I now know what to do about this problem.</div>
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Experienced sufferers of Bipolar I may go into terror when they hear their doctor tell them they are "hypomanic." Will the mania grow to an all-consuming point where you will be unable to contain your behavior? Truthfully, you don't know. Even with the best hypomania management techniques, there are no guarantees. Yet, if you don't try, it's likely your hypomania will escalate.</div>
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<b><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;">So, here is a very simple guide of what to do.</span></b><br />
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<b>(1) Stop Freaking Out About It: </b>"Freaking out" and worrying about it and feeling powerless and helpless will ramp hypomania up.<br />
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(2) <b>Let the people you are closest to and see most often know the symptoms of hypomania and ask them to point them out to you when they see them. </b><br />
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<b>Common Early Symptom List:</b><br />
<span style="color: orange;">*</span>Intense, high-anxiety.<br />
<span style="color: orange;">*</span>Unusually strong irritability.<br />
<span style="color: orange;">*</span>Behavior out of the ordinary for you (You might hear people say, "You're not acting like yourself.")<br />
<span style="color: orange;">*</span>Ability to do much more work than usual, more efficiently.<br />
<span style="color: orange;">*</span>Something traumatic happens and you feel no reaction. "I must be dealing with this really well!" Um, no. (<u>Caveat: Yes, you may be learning to cope better</u>- Yet numbness followed by euphoria may indicate that you have been blindsided by something.)<br />
<span style="color: orange;">*</span>Intensely happy, out of the blue, for absolutely no reason. "Wow. What happened? Was I just enlightened?" Um, no.<br />
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<b>Full List</b>: <a href="http://psychcentral.com/disorders/hypomanic-episode-symptoms/">http://psychcentral.com/disorders/hypomanic-episode-symptoms/</a><br />
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(3) <b><span style="color: orange;">Follow your doctor's instructions to the letter even when that is the last thing in the world you want to do</span>- </b>and it will be. (If you are laughing hysterically alone in your apartment like you are naturally blissfully high, do you really want to take that pill your doctor said to take right away to make it stop?) <b>I can answer that easily for you. NO, you will certainly NOT want to do that.</b><br />
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<b><span style="color: orange;">SO.. Poster time. </span></b>Post, somewhere in your home, what can happen if you do not follow your doctor's instructions.<br />
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<b>Sample Poster Contents:</b><br />
<span style="color: orange;">*</span>Mania feels good but mania will not be good if I let it control me.<br />
<span style="color: orange;">*</span>Mania can land me in the hospital.<br />
<span style="color: orange;">*</span>Mania can quickly lead to bankruptcy.<br />
<span style="color: orange;">*</span>Mania leads me to do things I'm ashamed of later.<br />
<span style="color: orange;">*</span>Mania scares my family.<br />
<span style="color: orange;">*</span>Mania can crash into severe depression.<br />
<b><span style="color: orange;">Stop. Do all you can to make it stop. (Personalize this more based on your experience.)</span></b><br />
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<b>(4) Do Things You Really Should Be Doing Anyway:</b><br />
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<span style="color: orange;"><b>Go intentionally slowly about your life.</b> </span>LOTS of pauses. LOTS of breaks. REST. Take a "thought vacation." Very little about what you think about while you are manic is meaningful and that often feels overwhelming and frustrating. So, don't even bother trying to figure some things out. Accept confusion for now. Remember- You are not well. So, treat yourself like it. Relax.</div>
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DO correct errors in logic. Practice mindfulness more conscientiously. Take almost nothing you are worried about or fixated on seriously. Live your life in little "bites," even though you want to woof it all down at once! Breathe more. Walk more. The storms can pass instead of escalate. But, monitor, monitor, monitor and take care, care, care. <b><span style="color: orange;">Make relaxation a primary goal.</span></b></div>
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<b>(5) Ride it out, and as long as you are doing what your doctor said, enjoy the creative flood you may be having. </b>Sometimes, hypomania gives you ideas for new projects and the impetus to start to carry them out. As it grows toward increased mania, however, your thoughts will get so scattered and overwhelming, your work will lose focus completely. Watch the process. Monitor and tell your doctor when you start to see this.</div>
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<b><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;">Crisis Plan: How To Nip It In The Bud Early</span></b><br />
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<b>Stressful events and trauma can immediately trigger bipolar disorder, creating a mess of misfired neurotransmitters and chemical flooding. <b><span style="color: orange;">So, make a list in advance of what you will do, step by step, as soon as you have the awareness that something traumatic or stressful has happened to you, even if you don't feel a thing.</span></b> Follow this list very carefully.<b> </b></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">#1 should be, "</span></b><b><span style="color: orange;">Call your doctor."</span><span style="color: #990000;"> </span>Yes, your doctor. Call him before you call your family, your therapist or your minister. Doctor. </b><u>He needs to know you need more monitoring</u>. #2 and the rest are up to you, but "choice options" are best. For example: "I will sit and say certain prayers OR I will call my Aunt Mary." You don't know what you'll be in the mood for, but you will need simple choices, so don't give yourself more than two to choose from for each line. Write down your own personalized steps for crisis time. <span style="color: orange;"><b>Add your crisis plan to your poster of why you need to do what your doctor says.</b> </span>That's the best idea.</div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">Possible Other Helps:</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="color: orange;">*</span></b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"> Intensely emotional music. Some recommend not listening to intense music, because it could make you more emotional, but intense music contains my hypomania. Unsure why. I have really strong feelings, get tired and let go of them when the song is over. So, give me Imogen Heap or Regina Spektor, Rachmaninoff, or Andrea Bocelli. I don't care the style. Just give me intense. For others, soothing music might be better, but I am just not a "Yanni person."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: orange;">*</span>Take your mind off worry with art, poetry or musical composition. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: orange;">*</span>Meditation and prayer.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-40278627934998589602014-08-18T16:45:00.002-07:002014-12-17T23:17:43.948-08:00Don't Hate Me Because I Don't Care If You or I Am a Goddess.<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #f1c232;"><b>You are whole.</b> You are weak, but with God, you are strong. You are a precious child of God.</span></div>
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<span style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #f1c232;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LkAgeJPNgvY/U_KIwZX-m4I/AAAAAAAACag/G0pKBguQOcU/s1600/Mary.jpg" /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f1c232;">When you read these words do you feel the truth of them ringing in your bones?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">If not or if so, why are your feelings the barometer of what is true or not true?</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #f1c232;">Or do you feel the weight of the desire for self-aggrandizement and self-absorption, the deep-marrow fear of not being good enough, and the exhaustion of seeking your value outside of yourself?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #f1c232;">Good news. You are not good enough (on your own) and you never will be. You also do not have to seek value outside yourself. All your worth and value comes from God. With God, you are always good enough. Yes, we're dependent on Him for all things, but we are precious beyond measure.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #f1c232;">If you don't love and honor God, our Creator and Savior with every fiber of your being, if you could use more joyful play and simple awareness of the presence of His Majesty in your life, if you struggle with understanding the tyranny of your passions and desire to be powerful instead of to serve Him, then it is time for an inner revolution. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #f1c232;">It is time to claim your honored position as a Spiritual Warrior for the sake of what is timeless and true, fighting against the empty promise that worship of yourself as a goddess will bring you anything more than a desolate, selfish spiritual death.</span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #f1c232;"> The new women's revolution is an evolution from being self-focused to God focused. When our conscience is NOT silenced and suffocated by our selfish desires, we are finally free to direct our energies towards our own creative, purposive and authentic life that will bring true freedom.</span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #f1c232;">When we bring our attention back to discovering who God intended us to be – not who we wish we were or who we think we should be – we begin a sacred path of transformation towards our innate, authentic, embodied ability to love in the natural way God created us to love.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #f1c232;">This is the path of the Spiritual Warrior.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #f1c232;">This invitation is a window of opportunity to form the most intimate relationship possible with the infinite Creator and Savior of the universe. My commitment is to tell you the truth so that you don't waste your life with lies. </span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #f1c232;">This is a parody, but it is also by someone who really does care about the welfare of your soul. (And doesn't it sound like a bit more common sense?</span></b><br />
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<span style="color: #f1c232;">I will not link to the original invitation to emptiness, egotistical inflation and spiritual death, because I do not think it is fair to target one individual teacher and one program, when there are so many doing such similar things..They promise things, like how you will actually be able to study personally with a very important person who knows all about how to be dazzling wonderful goddess. Aren't you lucky? And just $297.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f1c232; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;">[The picture above is of The Blessed Virgin Mary, Our Mother, who is not and has never been a goddess. And it doesn't matter that she's not and that we're not either.]</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-82982977694970466122014-08-08T14:20:00.004-07:002014-08-08T17:01:11.767-07:00Strange Islands Beyond the Self-Absorbed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As I was walking home from mass today, I noticed that I was standing in an odd place. Why was I there? I had walked a block from where I needed to turn to go home and I had not noticed anything on my way. My last memory was of crossing the street two blocks before and from that point, my legs moved, but I was lost in my mind.</div>
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Of course, most people and not just autistics wander off in their thoughts and get physically lost occasionally. Yet, this experience is often frequent in autistic adults as well as children. Sometimes, it's called, "wandering," and it can be quite dangerous, especially when children do it. In my case today, it was simple to change my path to walk home, but I cannot recall the number of times this sort of thing has happened to me. At times of my life, especially under stress, it's more the rule than the exception.</div>
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The comical part of all this is the content of the thoughts I was having. I was deeply pondering and contemplating why I am often so self-absorbed! Oh, wow. This is the very thing I've been "working on" in my spiritual life lately, and I was too self-absorbed to see it! So, I actually stopped and laughed a little bit, (well, actually I giggled pretty intensely,) out of the blue- also a very autistic thing to do. I did not care who might be looking on at the "loony girl."</div>
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On the way home, I was careful to look around and watch the trees and flowers. I really enjoyed the sense of being more open to the world. I did not want to look at the people, and that is common for me.</div>
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The social world is not a "safe place" for autistic people. The social world is a mass of confusing things- Nonverbal communication is supposed to be 80% of communication and my brain has no area that works to process such things. I know I'm missing a lot. By only hearing the words, I cannot detect deceit. I also don't pick up on insincerity well. I have to be careful to try to take in the overall context of the conversation anyway, so that I don't say something socially that doesn't "fit," and embarrass myself or offend another person.</div>
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People are also over-stimulating in themselves. Just watching their face while I hear their voice can be overwhelming. So, social time is tiring, to say the least.. and the better and more convincing I manage to do at it, the more exhausted I am later.</div>
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<b>And, of course, this brings me to the topic of how is it that I can be less self-centered, when being inside myself is my sanctuary? </b>At the end of the day, I look back on the times when people tried to share something about themselves to me and I assumed it was all about me, when it wasn't. I want to be more present for people. I want to be a better friend. To do that, I need to take risks and that doesn't mean I feel comfortable with them.</div>
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God did not intend a purely contemplative life in a cloister for me. He has called me to be a contemplative in the world. It's the "in the world" part I don't like. Yet, if I can get lost in a book, in artwork or a game or learning coding, I can get lost in a person and what they have to say as well, when I am determined to do that. People should never assume I'm not interested in them or that I don't care about them because of these difficulties, because it usually has little to do with that.</div>
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People who need the most love are the least safe. My Secular Carmelite friends are actually perfect friends. They do not gossip. They do not talk negatively about anyone else. If they do, they are running to confession right away! No, I am not worried about any sort of harm from them.</div>
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And yet, Jesus Christ calls me to open myself to people, who can be the source of harm, and to a life of loving, giving and service even to the point of the very crucifixion of myself. Now, it would make no sense to continually force myself to socialize to the point of meltdown every day. The trick is to take good care of myself so I can tolerate more and more time with people. To do that, I need to do more than merely monitor and reduce sensory overwhelm.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>I need a deeply secure spiritual core, to provide a sense of emotional safety, so that even if I am in a meltdown, I am at peace</b>. (And yes, that is possible, because a meltdown is the involuntary response of the nervous system to overstimulation, not a psychological issue.) We can have migraines and be at peace, so why not in a meltdown? I am learning this.</div>
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St. John of the Cross writes often about "strange islands," which is the experience of finding himself in a state of awareness and experience he has never been in before. He is referring to experiences he has within himself with God. For me, the "strange islands" are about taking God with me as I venture into the wilderness of unpredictable and confusing people.</div>
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And so, in this way, I hope I find myself "standing in an odd place" more often, with my deep sense of security in God unaltered.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-15690947143679108492014-07-21T11:59:00.001-07:002014-07-21T19:55:36.760-07:00The Eucharist and the “Ghost in the Machine”<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0eMvuntEbz8/U81i84VFJTI/AAAAAAAACBA/-Pe8Trv0aBU/s1600/Eucharist%E2%80%94The-Perfect-Gift.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0eMvuntEbz8/U81i84VFJTI/AAAAAAAACBA/-Pe8Trv0aBU/s1600/Eucharist%E2%80%94The-Perfect-Gift.jpg" height="244" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-decoration: none;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
As an autistic,
I have the unenviable ability to almost completely compartmentalize my intellect
from emotions. I go into a “machine mode.”</div>
<br />
My friends often have
a very unfortunate experience with that. They talk to me while I am
in the middle of “implementing my agenda,” and they see that I do
not acknowledge their feelings at all. Friends who know me well stop
me and say, “Hey, I just poured out my heart to you,” or “I
just disclosed something hard for me to say,” and of course, I
collapse into a sea of apologies. I don't realize what I did, but of
course I want to acknowledge the feelings of my friends!
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
My autistic reality is not all that
different from neurotypical reality. Humans minds work very much like computers, which is why computers are
designed based on how our logical intellect works. Our minds are
different from computers because emotional drives can dominate our
experience. I know all about that too! I have been known to immerse
myself in emotion and the “lever” that makes my brain work seems
to snap completely off, while emotions drive my life. Whether we are
emotionally driven or intellectually detached, we are all divided,
unintegrated and crippled in our human experience.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Until we insert the variable of
“infinity.”
</b></div>
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<br /></div>
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Infinity. Yes, infinity. The God who
exists outside space and time enters <b>our reality</b> in the Eucharist.
The God who exists outside space and time enters <b>my body</b> in the
Eucharist. The infinite God who created me enters me, body and soul, and begins to
thread his infinite Self into my bones and cells. This creates a
“jolt” that literally drags me to my knees. I am grateful to know the impact
of His infinite love moving through me, joining Himself with my lowly soul.
</div>
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<br /></div>
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How must Mary have felt when the
infinite God found His home in her womb? I will never know the
magnitude of that experience, but I can receive a “taste” of it
through my experience of the Eucharist.
</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Why am I Catholic?
</b></div>
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<br /></div>
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The Eucharist is why. When I was a
young protestant, I received the Eucharist without knowing what it
was. I immediately wept because I felt in that moment in union with
God. It's always been that way for me. The effect of the Eucharist is
a stab in my heart that kills me and brings me to life at the same
time.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<b>For that instant, I am integrated. I am
whole. </b><br />
<br />
I walk out the door of church and become once again the
struggling Secular Carmelite in formation who has difficulty staying dedicated to prayer. I amble about my daily life,
continually wondering why my experience in the Eucharist does not
stay with me. Thankfully, I let that concern go fairly quickly now, because I realize
maintaining a life of service to Him is more important than what I
happen to feel, but I still remain bewildered. <br />
<br />
Sometimes, it is unclear what really moves me. Once years ago,
someone who was working with me started to call me, “The Machine.”
That was because I always had a relentless agenda for him to follow.
And by relentless, I mean relentless. I should never be in a
supervisory position over people. I've always been considered to be
hard-driving and that is because “The Machine” that is my mind
likes to go nonstop. (Thank God for helpers in my life who help me find balance beyond hyperfocus!) My new study of Xcode to
program smartphones is a beautiful haven of structure and logic. I
like to enter and shut the doors to the world. But, often, it
is difficult for all of us to turn all that off and enter into the softer side of contemplation the
machine of our mind longs for.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="text-decoration: none;"><b>Human beings also have free will. </b>This is what separates us from animals. Our souls have only one essential choice to make here on earth, "Will we serve God or will we serve ourselves?"</span><br />
<span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="text-decoration: none;">If
we do not receive the Holy Spirit in our human lifetimes here in
life, the seeds are not planted for eternal life. There is no “Ghost”
in our machine. What is our soul apart from God's soul, who created
us? How can it survive in any meaningful way? There are many who
believe their soul IS actually God's soul and that their mind creates
the world. People who take this position live in a counterfeit
reality, sadly. Others, who see the Eucharist as a merely “symbolic
meal,” or an experience that somehow incorporates “Real
Presence,” without being the actual body and blood of Jesus Christ
miss out on an immense experience as well.</span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
The Eucharist is
more than a “feel good experience,” thankfully. The Eucharist is
fuel to go about serving God, infused and strengthened by God
Himself. The Eucharist provides the deepest and most intimate
connection that man can have with God.</div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
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Without that connection, we are alone in our weak human state. We act selfishly. We hurt people's feelings. We damage relationships because we are callous. There is no infinite God to appeal to who can forgive, heal and strengthen us. I constantly and reliably fail but at least that is not the end of my story. </div>
</div>
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<br />
<b>We are more than machines. We need a healthy soul. The</b><b> soul runs best on the fuel of the Eucharist and nothing else will
do.</b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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*<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghost_in_the_machine" target="_blank">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghost_in_the_machine</a></div>
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghost_in_the_machine" target="_blank"></a><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7928909829559321913.post-24116370543881801452014-07-08T21:48:00.001-07:002014-07-08T21:50:25.474-07:00R.I.P. Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YLW4tlSRLpA/U7zJILUvX_I/AAAAAAAABrg/zgkWgUqZOGI/s1600/angelbaby2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YLW4tlSRLpA/U7zJILUvX_I/AAAAAAAABrg/zgkWgUqZOGI/s1600/angelbaby2.jpg" height="320" width="204" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-size: large;">There was once a real world</span></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">where wind sang in the trees</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">and people listened close for sounds of God.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">There was once a real world </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">where we dreamt our soft dreams</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">and gentle breezes lifted our prayers.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">And here we are now,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">between bit and byte,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">bleep and blight,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">In this digital cemetery</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">we call our lives.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">And the world cries out,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Hey, Look at me, Look at me.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Hear me post, see my face,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I will feed on your likes.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The cacophony, cry of the tech-numbed heart</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Pushing man, God and nature further apart.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Burying our souls beneath our screens-</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Can you feel? Can you breathe?</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Can you look at the stars? </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Do you even remember a time long past,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">When your eyes beheld nature</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-size: large;">and God’s eyes looked back?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">-Laura Marie Paxton,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">07/08/14</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11446789297041579928noreply@blogger.com0